Ann Radtke

108) The Oak

The Oak Tree

Feeling like a lost child, frightened and alone, I quickly stuffed a few overnight essentials into my back pack, tossed it into the car next to my sleeping bag and began the familiar two hour drive to the family cabin in the North Woods. I needed some space to breathe and begin to process the unimaginable – the disintegration of what I had thought was a forever marriage. I had missed all the warning signs and been oblivious to what was happening after 36 years of being together. To help me keep my mind from racing and retracing the scenes of these past few days, I placed a CD into the car player and began to listen to a story that described the second half of the spiritual life.

The author spoke of a large oak table that stood at the center of the family’s life. Meals were shared there, homework assignments completed, friends invited for cookies and milk, chats enjoyed with mom and siblings all centered around this table. Then in a dream, the table had vanished! The author saw this as relating to her spiritual life, with the table representing the solid structure of her early faith. The idea of it vanishing led her to the deeper recognition of the presence of God Whom she couldn’t see, but Whom she knew in her heart was always there, solid and stable as that oak table had been. It was calling her to a deeper trust in God’s care for her, “to walk by faith, and not by sight.” This spoke directly into my current situation where all the outer trappings of our marriage were being pulled out and I too was being called to a deeper trust in God’s care.

Pulling into the dirt driveway in the shade of ancient pine trees I arrived at the cabin, unloaded my few belongings, and enjoyed the comfort of being in this familiar setting. Our family had been coming here for summers since I was one year old, and amid the various moves in life since then it had remained my favorite destination. The walls were all classic knotty pine and the furniture was oak, crafted by a family friend who had been in the furniture business. The story of the oak kitchen table was fresh in my mind as I admired the sturdy dining table and chairs. All the names of my immediate family members were sandblasted onto the backs of the chairs around the dining table, and I felt their love and presence there with me in this time of trial. A wall of windows looked out on the lake where summer breezes were making ripples on the lake, and ducks were bobbing in the sun speckled water.

Being in the cabin had calmed my spirit a bit, but the rustling of the leaves was calling me outdoors to receive the graces that being in God’s creation always brought, so I decided to take a walk to the little lake a mile or so into the back woods. As I rounded the bend in the trail just before the lake, I stopped short and my heart sank. The giant oak tree that had always stood there lay broken and shattered on the ground! I stepped closer to look at the tree, and saw that it was hollow, just as our marriage seemed to be. I had loved that tree since I was a child, climbing up in its strong and sturdy branches. Our children had done the same, loving to perch high up in the tree to savor the beauty of the lake and the cranberry bog that surrounded it. I even had a picture on the refrigerator at home of my husband and me sitting together at the base of the tree! The parallel between the oak kitchen table and this massive oak tree that lay before me now spoke clearly to my heart. To me God was saying He knew all that was happening to me. My name was carved on the palm of His hand, just as our family names were carved on the oak chairs around the dining table. He was not surprised, but rather had been preparing me for what He knew would be a hard trial. In His goodness He had prompted me to listen to that particular CD, then brought me to this place and showed me this fallen tree. I cried for a while, but then smiled as I recognized God’s providence unfolding before me, calling me to that deeper trust and total dependence on Him which He desired. In my heart I knew He would be with us as we navigated this unexpected and painful path.

I lingered at the lake for a while, and then headed back to the cabin. Longing to hear God’s words for me, I picked up the Bible that was kept on the little table next to the bed, and carried it to my oak dining table. Opening it “at random,” my eyes fell on Isaiah 6:13: “He will be like the stump of an oak tree that has been cut down. The stump represents a new beginning for God’s people.” The Bible at the cabin has a different translation than the one at home. The wording of this translation was a perfect gift from God to me.

“The stump of an oak tree…a new beginning for God’s people.” My first thought at the lake was that God knew all about this; that He knew us intimately and lovingly. Although the first sight of the fallen oak had brought tears, it had been followed by the warmth of God’s love, revealing His tenderness and mercy. He wouldn’t just show me this and then abandon me – no! He would be with us, to strengthen and sustain us in what was to come. “A new beginning,” a promise of God’s provision and faithfulness.

This all happened twenty years ago, yet the memory is still so very fresh. It’s been a difficult road, but the image of the oak tree with its reminder of God’s intimate love has remained. I have experienced a new beginning, especially in the deepening of my relationship with God and the path to holiness that He’s leading me on. His grace has been the source of deep healing in the relationship with my husband, with much forgiveness and reconciliation, though we’ve remained living apart. We’re together for family celebrations and holidays, always exchanging a heart-felt hug and a quiet “love you.”

Now when unexpected experiences surprise me, I’m reminded that God is never surprised! He knows all about it, and He has prepared me with what I will need to navigate the circumstances. This has brought great peace to my heart, which I can then bring to the situation and share with my fellow travelers.

Thank you, Lord, for the image of the oak tree which remains with me as a sign of Your provision and hope for the future. You promise new life and resurrection glory; I’m experiencing that more and more as I put all my trust in You. 1 Cor:13 comes to mind: “No trial has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tried beyond what you can bear. But when you are tried, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” Thank you for preparing my heart and giving me the strength to endure the trials of life. As I recall the times of Your providential care and love, may my trust in You grow stronger each day,

Preparation

“Be prepared” is the classic Boy Scout motto, and what good advice that is for just about every circumstance! Planning ahead with possible options can bring a better outcome in most situations, and replace anxiety and flustered reactions with more helpful responses. This has been brought home to me in two particular arenas lately.

Number one was the planned visit to Grandpa, who had been seriously injured in a recent car accident. The kids, 5 and 7, were the apple of his eye, and shared a beautiful close relationship with lots of time together in overnights and adventures. Now Grandpa was in the hospital, and for the first two weeks unable to have children for visitors. Week three brought the opportunity for a visit, and the first thought was how the kids would react to seeing Grandpa with multiple serious injuries, in a hospital bed, with tubes in his head and a ventilator to breathe. I was so blessed to witness how their Dad prepared them for what could be a shocking and unsettling meeting. He took lots of photos of the hospital, of all the apparatus, and of Grandpa in bed, and then called the kids to his side to show them what to expect. He gently and carefully explained the different medical devices, assuring them that Grandpa was doing ok, and how the different tubes and bandages were helping him. He reminded them of how happy he would be to have them visit, altho he might be a little confused or unable to respond well. Questions were answered with patience and clarity, with honesty, all wrapped in so much love and tenderness! It almost brings tears to my eyes to remember it! And the visit went very well; Grandpa cried a little, but cupped a small hand in his, and was so grateful to see them, as they were to be with him. Then Grandma offered cookies and coloring pages, and they all just shared some time together in the hospital room. What a blessing for all of them to be together in the hospital room, filled with family love!

Number two is just beginning, as our own kids have just received news that their Dad, 18 months into a cancer journey, found out that it was time for hospice. No more medical treatments would be attempted, and the prognosis was only weeks, or perhaps months, rather than the anticipated year or two (or maybe more?) How do we prepare for this?

Our culture is so geared toward silence about mortality, and focused on all the things to do to be healthy. Nutrition and exercise programs, Vitamin supplements and gyms abound, which are all good things, but have perhaps gone a bit out of balance in our society. We are creatures of body and spirit; what are we doing to prepare our spirit, our soul?

When my brother died of cancer 30 years ago, his daughter compiled a book from the journal entries; letters and poems their family wrote during the eleven months from diagnosis to death, and time of grieving after his death. Their reliance on God’s love and companionship was the constant thread that helped to sustain them in that time. Re-reading that book is one of the ways I’ve found helpful to move forward in this current journey. The book FINAL GIFTS by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley, two hospice nurses, has also been a great help. I had re-visited this book shortly after we learned of Dad’s cancer, and offered it to the kids as a help in advance of that final parting from this life. As a hospice volunteer for 20 years, the Lord had gifted me with witnessing so many blessings in walking with families through these final days of their loved ones’ lives. The difference I noted between families of faith, and those without it, was very evident. Less chaos, less fear and anxiety, better relationships were some of the positive factors that were apparent. How grateful I am that God has been preparing me in advance for the time we will all face, and hopefully to help others too, to respond in ways that bring peace and healing to all of us.

“Be prepared!” We’ll never be completely prepared for an unexpected diagnosis or accident, but we can always turn to the One Who is never surprised, knowing that He will always be with us, helping us to find the blessings that are present even in the hard times.

Lord God, thank You for your ever present help in all circumstances! Thank you for providing people and resources to aid us on the journey, ultimately bringing us Home to you. May we receive the peace and freedom from fear that this assurance brings, and share Your light with others as we walk together…

106) Safety in Christ

The news has been full of random awful shootings – at schools, in churches, in so many places. I just received a text from a teacher asking for prayers as there is a shooting threat near her school. It’s the last day of school, and the children have all been called inside from the playground to remain in their locked classrooms. It has reminded me of a foundational lesson the Lord taught me many years ago, about finding our safety in Christ.

It began with the news of an airplane crash in Bosnia that had claimed the lives of US government officials and service people who were on an economic aid mission to help the people of the war-torn country. Among those in the crash was my cousin Charlie, and it was in the course of responding to this tragedy that the concept of safety began to unfold in a different light for me.

Searching for words to write just the right thing in condolence to our cousins, my mother called me looking for an adjective to describe faith. She wanted to share with her nieces and nephews the depth and quality of faith that had sustained our family through its moments of tragedy. Looking for the right words to express the kind of faith she knew in her heart, we tossed a few adjectives around, but didn’t arrive at the one she wanted, so we agreed to keep thinking about it and re-connect later.

After an hour, the phone rang, and mom, with a note of satisfaction in her voice, related that she had found the adjective she had been searching for – it was “secure!” “Secure faith” was just what she wanted to express!
It brought joy to my heart too, as I recognized God’s confirmation of this word with a game we had been playing with the kids. We had been putting Bible quotes on a chalkboard, and the one for that very morning was from Ps 16:5 – “Lord, You have made my destiny secure!” “Secure!” What a great word to describe faith! I had picked the quote because of the thought of “destiny,” thinking about Charlie and his journey into eternity. Another affirmation appeared that evening when we attended a Christian musical that included the phrase “our faith secure.”

When I came home from the musical that night, I pulled out the dictionary and looked up our adjective,”secure,” and these are the definitions listed: 1) free from fear, care, doubt, or anxiety; not worried, troubled or apprehensive. 2) free from danger; not exposed to damage, attack, etc; safe. 3) in safekeeping or custody. 4) not likely to fail or give way; firm; strong; stable. 5) sure; certain to be relied upon. What a great word! And to couple that with “faith” made it a real powerhouse!

The word “secure” came to my mind often through the next few weeks, and especially coupled with the word “safe.” They really spoke to me of the assurance of God’s presence and care. It was after another tragedy that this sequence moved to a deeper level for me.

A young boy in our community had been hit by a train and lost both his legs. He was a member of our parish, and our whole small community was rocked by the tragedy and responded with messages of support and aid. At the closing liturgy for our Catholic grade school, Fr Len prayed for safety for all our kids this summer, as the train accident was on his mind as on everyone else’s, and we prayed that no more tragedies would occur during the summer vacation.

Less than a week after the close of school, another family suffered a deep loss. An eighth grade boy drowned in the rain swollen waters of the Wolf River. At his funeral liturgy, Fr Len expressed our collective grief, and his own personal feelings of loss at the death of a boy he knew well. He spoke of how fragile life is, and how greatly we need to cherish it, his words echoing in everyone’s hearts. He also spoke of the boy’s faith; it was a real faith, and Fr Len expressed his assurance that Brett was with Christ.

What had happened to our prayers for safety? How could another tragedy come so soon, especially after our hearts had been so lifted to the Lord for our children? The connection with the secure faith my mother had been describing and the definition that included safety came to my mind more and more. For me the transition to safety in Christ became evident. Surely there is not and cannot be any true measure of physical safety in this fragile world we live in. The only true safety is in the assurance of faith Christ, in having our being entrusted to His Heart and abiding in Him. My humanity longs for the tangible physical well-being of those I love, yet my spirit knows their actual wholeness rests in Christ. Only when we have given our hearts to Him, and trust in His mercy, will we really be safe! Our lives on this earth are so short, and so very fragile. A single instant transforms vibrant health to death! How can we possibly live in security unless we are grounded in Christ? The words of St Paul echo in my thoughts, “neither death, nor life, nor angels, not principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Rom 8:38-39).

Thank You Lord, for Your gift of secure faith! Grant me the grace of perseverance to believe and trust in You, for You alone are the sure foundation. In the storms of life, may I always be reminded of Your love and protection which will remain with me into eternity.

105) Pentecost Today!

Our parish participated in the Renew program, and it was a real blessing to many of us. It reawakened our faith, with a new and deeper desire to live the Gospel life. One part of the program was a large group gathering with speakers from the diocese doing a presentation.

There weren’t very many of us there that night, and the couple presenting said they felt led to change their original presentation. The core of the message they felt led to give was how to fulfill the desire within you to experience God’s power in your life.

I knew that something was missing in my spiritual life. All of my life I had been trying to live the Christian life, but it was obvious to me that something was lacking – my walk was so far from the Gospel life I desired. I listened intently to the words I hoped would bring me the answer I sought.

The couple said, if you want to experience the power of God in your life, do three things:

pray
get to know Jesus personally
invite the Holy Spirit into your life

I could remember a simple formula like that, so first, I made a commitment to spend 15 minutes a day in prayer. Secondly, I had been teaching 3rd grade CCD, and the need came for a 7th grade teacher. I agreed, and found that the 7th grade curriculum centered on the life of Jesus. Third, a prayer to the Holy Spirit literally fell out of two different books at me! So I began to pray that prayer daily also.

In our Renew group, I had begun to recognize more clearly the difference between my walk and my talk, especially in the matter of prayer. I talked about it a lot, taught it to the kids, but wasn’t consistent in my own prayer life. One of the ladies in the Renew group was a member of a charismatic prayer group that had formed in our parish to pray for Renew – so I joined them. I also joined a Moms in Touch prayer group that met weekly to pray for our kids and the schools. The three points were in place now, and I found a gradual sense of growth in my faith life. It made a huge jump when our prayer group went through a Life in the Spirit video seminar, and I was prayed for to receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit. The Lord had been preparing my heart, and I was finally ready to give Him a solid Yes.

I experienced what have been almost universally agreed as fruits of receiving the baptism in the Holy Spirit. My knowledge of God’s deep love for me moved from just in my mind into my heart; the desire to pray grew stronger; I had a desire to read the Scriptures, and they came alive for me in a new way; the Mass became more meaningful; and perhaps most noticeable was a gift of courage to do things that I had always been fearful of before. To speak before a group, even a small group of people I knew, would paralyze me, whereas now I found myself taking on leadership roles and speaking in front of people with an inner strength that wasn’t my own.

I realized that although I had been trying so very hard to live the Christian life, I had been doing it in my own power, which was painfully inadequate. The Lord was showing me how to begin to live it in the power of the Holy Spirit. There’s still so very much more to grow into, but I’m incredibly grateful for the gift of the Holy Spirit to lead me on the way!

Lord God, thank You for the gift of the Holy Spirit! Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of the faithful and kindle in us the fire of Your love. Send forth Your Spirit, and we shall be created, and You shall renew the faith of the earth…

(Re-print from March 2023)

104) License Plates

As I’ve become more aware of the Lord’s hand in every detail of my life, each day brings promises of surprises that are often new lessons to be learned. With this in mind, I had been eagerly watching the mailbox for the license plates to arrive for our new van – I knew the letters and numbers the Lord would put there would not be random, but rather a secret message from the Lord for us to unravel! The day arrived and as the plates were removed from their envelope, the combination PBX300 was revealed – now to decipher the code!

The first part, PBX, jumped out at me instantly – X of course stood for Christ, from the Greek letter X, or Chi – Christos – the Anointed One. PB offered two possibilities – Praise Be to Christ was the first one that offered itself, especially as I’ve become so aware of the priority of Praise as a foundation of our faith.

The second option of course is Peanut Butter, and this was an even more personal message – the mainstay of our lunch for years has been PBJs, so peanut butter and Christ is even more logical – to keep Christ in the very center of our lives, right in the common and ordinariness of lunch. This was a message I often needed to remember, that to find our Lord we need go no farther than the kitchen, and among the most mundane elements of our living – the sacred in the homeliness of our everyday existence. Sometimes I forget and want to run out to find the Lord in all those mountain top experiences, when in reality He remains so very much present right in the humdrum of our lives.

Considering the idea of peanut butter and Christ presents a very important lesson too – Humor! I can’t look at the plate without smiling, thinking how silly it would appear to many to hear this “code de-ciphering” – and to me too – it brings a smile to my lips whenever I think of it, and a lightness to my heart, and another reminder to take myself less seriously, yet to seriously keep the Lord at the center of our lives!

The number 300 offered extra options too – the first focusing on the number 3, for the Trinity! and the 00 are the eyes of the Holy Spirit – for the last several years a prayer to the Holy Spirit has held a special place in my daily devotions, as I’ve sought to enter into an ever deeper surrender to the Lord – what a neat thought that His eyes are on us all the time, and watching before us and behind us to keep us safe from harm, and give us direction! This puts another smile in my heart too – to imagine the two eyes in the license plate – I like to think the Lord’s eyes would have a twinkle in them at the thought also!

The second option for the 300 came from a journal entry from Catherine Marshall’s book, A CLOSER WALK, which I had only discovered a few days after the plates had arrived. She was writing about the story of Gideon, how he felt himself so incapable of accomplishing the task the Lord had set before him – and indeed by his own power he was incapable – but the Lord assured him that He, the Lord, would provide all that was needed. Gideon needed only to trust, and obey. When Gideon had assembled the forces to do battle as the Lord had commanded, God told him he had too many men – he had 22,000 – they might think they accomplished the victory in their own power instead of by the power of the Lord, so God told him to keep only 300 men – 300! – to prove that it was indeed the Lord’s power that had wrought the victory, and not Gideon’s! What a reminder of humility – to always remember that any victory, or good, achieved through me comes from the power of the Lord within me, and never of myself alone. And that power for good is available to a surrendered life to achieve that which the Lord desires, for His Glory!

Who would have thought how much the Lord could show me through those “random” license plate letters and numbers!? Each time I jump in the van, and it is indeed often, I am reminded of the very real Presence of Christ right with me, wherever I go, the desire to praise Him in all things, the Holy Spirit teaching and guiding me, and to constantly seek to trust and obey the Lord in all that I do, knowing that it is His power and His alone that accomplishes good. And all of this is wrapped in the wonderful lightness of humor, to help me keep the proper perspective on my life and endeavors, knowing that the Joy of the Lord is my strength! (Neh 8:10)

I wonder what surprise the Lord has in store for us tomorrow!?

103) A Mighty Wind!

It was a beautiful spring afternoon, blue blue skies with not a cloud to be seen, and a peaceful calm in the air. We were outside on my friend’s deck, finalizing some plans for an event at our parish. Our pastor had reluctantly given us permission, but wasn’t inclined to be at all involved. We were grateful for his consent, and recognized the stress he was under, as he hadn’t been very supportive of any new initiatives in the parish. Retirement for him had been postponed for another year, and he was really ready to be freed from administrative responsibilities.

As we were ending our meeting with prayer, we shifted from prayer for the specifics of the event to prayer from our hearts for our pastor. The Lord put it on our hearts to really ask God to bless him, to bring peace to his heart and rest to his spirit. It might have been easier to ask God to change his attitudes, or point out areas where we thought he needed correction, but God’s grace shifted our intentions to really seek His love and mercy for him – to hear and ask God’s intentions for him. We were united in this prayer, as we all prayed in one accord for God’s desires for him.

As we were closing in prayer, a sudden rush of wind struck the sheets hanging on the clothesline, creating a loud flapping sound! The leaves scattered on the ground were caught up in a swirl of wind and danced wildly around our feet. We felt the strength of the wind, and heard its power as it rushed through our little group, and then just as suddenly as it had appeared, it was gone. My friend’s husband had been working down in the garden a little way away from us – he came up the hill to where we were, asking, “What was that!”

What came to us as we sought to understand what we had just experienced was God’s pleasure with our little group, in our unity and love expressed in our prayers for our pastor. He sent His Spirit as an exclamation point to get our full attention for His approval of our Unity and heartfelt prayers for one of His shepherds.

The Holy Spirit is indeed the Spirit of Unity, and Power! I can’t help but think of His appearance at Pentecost as a mighty wind! “Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.” (Acts 2:2) God often speaks to us through His Creation, sometimes with a shaft of light breaking through a bank of clouds at just the right moment, a thunderclap to highlight a word spoken, or a mighty wind to affirm His pleasure. As we become more and more aware of His presence in every circumstance, these unexpected signs are God’s gifts to communicate His personal stamp on whatever we’re about. None of us gathered together that day will ever forget the rush of wind we experienced, with the reminder of God’s desire for us to be people of unity and blessing for others.

Thank You Lord, God of all Creation, Who speaks to us in so many varied ways. Grant us the grace to be attentive to Your Presence, to marvel and
respond to the many ways You communicate Your desires. Come Holy Spirit, fill our hearts with Your Love!

102) Look Up!

“Think of what is above, not of what is on earth.” (Col 3:2 NAB)

For many years I participated in a Moms in Touch prayer group, where we would pray Scripture into the lives of our kids. We would insert their names into the passages, knowing that God’s Word was being nestled in their hearts through our prayers. This particular day we were praying Colossians 3:2, and my prayer was that our son Steve, then in sixth grade, would think of what is above, not of what is on earth.

That evening Steve and I were at the kitchen table where he was doing his homework and I was doing some paperwork. He had some maps to color, and conversation was easy as he was just coloring stuff. All he would talk about was heaven that night. I hadn’t initiated the conversation, and had forgotten about our Scripture prayer for him earlier in the day. For three hours all he talked about was heaven! It wasn’t until later that I remembered our prayer, and marveled at God’s clear answer to this request. That was about 25 years ago; Steve at present is struggling with faith issues and denying God’s very existence, but still thinking very much about spiritual matters. I know in my heart that as he wrestles with God, faith will someday prevail, as I remember all those years of prayer and know that God’s Word never returns void, but will accomplish that for which it is intended, in His way, in His perfect timing…

Thinking of what is above has been surfacing many instances of being called to lift my mind and heart upward, to take it off the difficulties of the moment and find relief as I raise my sights to God. I remember a good priest’s anecdote about asking someone how they were doing ~ they replied, “ok, under the circumstances.” His response was “what are you doing under the circumstances? Get out of there!” For me, that translates as, “look up!”

I think of all the awesome churches that draw our attention upward as we gaze at majestic art works and statues. Entering any of those cathedrals, we see people all looking up, caught in wonder at the beauty of the architecture and images. When we step outdoors in the cathedral of God’s natural creation, we are again drawn to look up, to be lost in the glory of a sunset or a night sky full of stars. Who doesn’t love to watch an eagle soaring overhead, or admire a giant tree reaching upward, or the snowy caps of mountains?

It was said St. Ignatius of Loyola would begin his prayer times by stepping outside and just looking up at the night sky, until tears ran down his cheeks as he praised God for His Glory. In Acts 7:54-57 we read of St. Stephen, filled with the Holy Spirit, looking up as he was about to be stoned and seeing the glory of God and Jesus standing at God’s right hand.

Corrie ten Boom relates the story of standing in formation in the stark cold courtyard of the concentration camp, where a young woman was being brutally beaten in front of all the inmates who were forced to witness the cruelty. In His mercy, God sent a lark that began to sing its beautiful melody as all eyes were lifted from the horror before them to a small reminder of goodness and hope. Psalm 121 comes to mind here, “I lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Ps 121:1-2 RSV). This was one of my mom’s favorite verses, and always serves to remind me of God’s faithful provision for all of my needs.

More reminders to look up! are popping into my mind, but the last one I’ll recall here is a simple thought shared by a friend. She helps out at the school cafeteria, and often can see sadness or discouragement on the faces of the students as they come through the food line. Her word to them? “Look up!” combined with a smile and a silent prayer, as she ministers to them with the love of Jesus in her heart.

Everywhere we turn today we are bombarded with news and circumstances that could tempt us to discouragement or despair. God has given us an antidote: “Look up!” Let us with St. Stephen see Jesus standing at God’s right hand, interceding for us and calling us to remind each other to think of what is above, not of what is on earth.

Lord God, help us to keep the bigger picture before us, knowing that You are indeed always in our sight as we raise our eyes to heaven and seek Your face.
Thank You for Your Word planted in our hearts, watered from above with the living waters of your mercy. May we encourage one another to look up each day, to be renewed in faith and hope…

101). Never Too Late

As I blew out the 80 candles on my birthday cake, my thoughts were filled with gratitude for all these many good years! At the same time, I couldn’t help but ask myself how best to use whatever years were left for me to serve the Lord well. My heart’s desire has been to meet my Lord in the company of an army of souls that I’ve invited to join me! Not being a very extroverted type, most of my words have been in reflective writing that I’ve shared with a few friends and a lame attempt at blogging. “Yea, two people read something today!” let me know that my army was going to be pretty small. A little voice (the Holy Spirit?) had been whispering in my ear lately, to encourage me to find a way to reach a larger audience with the fruit of my many years of following Jesus. I bit the bullet, and signed up for Praise Writers’ on-line writing class, hoping to gain some help in reaching my dream before my time was up! It was geared to help writers learn the basics of how to write and where to go with it.

What struck me first was the reality that the gift of writing the Lord had blessed me with was indeed a mandate, to be cultivated and broadcast, spreading the seeds that had been sown in my heart that they might land and take root in others’ hearts, to produce the beautiful garden the Lord envisioned. I didn’t want to stand before the Lord on judgment day with my talent buried in the ground.

The course offered many great practical points, from time blocking to the need for community. My random and sporadic writing reflections needed to be trained, and given much more of a priority than I had ever allowed them. A highlight of the course was a half hour time with the director, Claire Dwyer, who offered some concrete suggestions and encouragement for moving forward. Access through Praise Writers to great interviews with established writers provided more direction and inspiration.

Today, moving toward 81years, I remember that Moses only began his main ministry at age 80! It’s not too late for me, as I’m committed to making the time to share the goodness of the Lord with my new tools that have been tried and proven by others before me.

Lord God, thank you for not giving up on me, but rather offering the grace of a new day, a new approach, and a fresh outpouring of Your Spirit to bring to fruition the gifts you’ve blessed me with. May Your grace not be given in vain, but rather nourished and cultivated to achieve the end for which you sent it! Anoint the words given me to share, Lord, that they may bring blessing to all who may read them, and encouragement to others who may think it’s too late to follow a dream 🙂

100) Lenten Loneliness

It’s been a different Lent this year (2018), with many ups and downs, and woeful failures in my attempts to stick to my Lenten resolutions. In the first few weeks blessings abounded as I was swept from glory to glory with lots of good time in reflection, and a mini-retreat at home in Wisconsin. There I was able to make many connections with friends, visit the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help (now Our Lady of Champion). and make a trip up to the cabin with a friend where we were blessed with blue blue skies and fresh snow fall. Consolations were everywhere, and I was embracing them with all my heart 🙂

The return trip to MN led me to a place of loneliness, bombarded with memories of loss that were stealing the joy I had experienced. The remedy I had learned from Linda Schubert was a five step process which I sought to implement as an antidote to discouragement.

First step was to acknowledge the pain of loneliness that I was experiencing – to embrace it and lean into it gently. Step two was to really allow myself to feel the pain. It was deep, and I found my self recognizing it as a sacrifice I could offer to the Lord, and I leaned hard into it, not just gently, but pressing my very inner self into this emptiness and desolation, to console the heart of Jesus. I remembered the prayers of St. Bridget, the fifth prayer where she witnessed the sadness of the Lord’s own heart from the cross as He looked at humanity and saw all those who turned away and rejected His gifts of love and mercy.

A prayer rose in my heart, that somehow my little pain might be as a drop of balm to Christ’s own immeasurable thirst for souls. One tiny drop was all I could offer, but I gave it to the Lord from the bottom of my heart, in profound gratitude for the life I had been given. The desire to live the remaining days of Lent at a very deep level, not passing by the gift I was being offered, but rather to unite my little sacrifice to the fathomless sacrifice of the Cross, in reparation for my sins, for those of the ones I hold in my heart, for my church, for my village, for my country…. This was step three in the process, uniting my suffering with that of Jesus on the Cross. I recognized that this gift I could offer, though small, is precious to my Lord, and is a gift that only I can give…

Step four is to extend blessing to any who may have been a part of the pain or suffering I was experiencing. Offering a prayer of thanksgiving for God’s grace in leading me through this process and seeking His blessing to those I may have felt hurt by, always with the desire for sincere forgiveness, was another step toward bringing me back to a place of peace and joy.

I determined to bring this all to Jesus in Adoration, in prayer, and to carry it in my heart throughout the up-coming Holy Week. I would bring it to Stations, and beg the grace to enter in to the deeper intimate relationship to which the Lord was calling me. I wanted to gladly receive the invitation, the gift ~ not to leave it on the shelf to admire, but to fully unwrap it and allow it to consume me…

The last step was one of gratitude, to leave the process at the foot of the cross and enter in to the new spiritual freedom the Lord desired for me. Acknowledge the hurt, feel the pain, lean in to it gently, unite it to Christ’s sacrifice, extend blessing and forgiveness, and leave it all at the foot of the cross with gratitude to Jesus for His healing grace. This process has been a blessing for me over and over again as an antidote to discouragement and desolation. How grateful I am for the many ways the Lord draws us back to Himself, to restore our peace and fill us once again with His Light!

Lord God, thank You for Your gift of Redemption! When we come to You in our brokenness with repentant hearts, You never fail to offer us the free healing gifts of Love and Mercy. May I never forget to turn to You, that You may restore Your peace within me so that I may extend that peace to others. Peace in our hearts, one by one, to bring Your peace to the world

99) Grasshoppers!

Grasshoppers! That’s the word that jumped out at me while praying with Isaiah 40:22 – “He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth; its dwellers are like grasshoppers.” Grasshoppers? The extended passage had so many other thoughts in it, why did I keep coming back to “grasshoppers?” It made me laugh, of course, and continued to bring a smile as the word kept returning to my memory for several weeks. Finally I felt called to investigate a little, so started by googling the word to see what would come up Biblically.

This is the first note that I found: Pope Saint Gregory the Great is said to have seen the grasshopper as a sign from God that he was to return to Rome after beginning a journey to England to be a missionary there. As they paused on their journey, three days from Rome, a grasshopper, also called a locust, jumped on to the book he was reading. “Rightly is it called locust,” he said, “because it seems to say to us, loco sta (locusta),—stay in your place!” He interpreted this as meaning he should stay in Rome, and abort his mission to England. As he was arriving at this decision, messengers arrived from Rome calling him to return there. Holy Spirit intervention, discerned by St Gregory for a decision that had a positive impact on the whole Church! ( For more of this story, see https://www.catholic365.com/article/35503/gregory-and-the-grasshopper.html).

As I prayed with this, two thoughts entered the conversation. One was God’s call for me to stay where I am – to limit my outside activities and stay home to address the projects that have been awaiting me here for a long time. Time to get my own house in order before embarking on new adventures!

The second message seemed to be a confirmation of the call to acknowledge my own littleness, and be content and happy to be the child of God that I am. No great expeditions or extravaganzas, but to continue to savor the graces of being “Nobody,” just living a simple life and doing the next right thing each day. I’ve always loved the poem by Emily Dickenson:
:
I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don’t tell! They’d advertise – you know!

How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a Frog
To tell one’s name – the livelong June
To an admiring Bog!

Grasshoppers! It also brings a lightness of heart, along with a smile at God’s playfulness in conveying a message to my spirit. Lectio Divina becomes a delightful part of each day as the Lord speaks through His Word, always with the prospect of drawing me closer to Him as He reminds me that He sees me, He knows me, He loves me and He’s guiding me to holiness. Thank you Lord, for grasshoppers!