Lost and Found
Romans 7:15-25. “…For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want…”
Luke 15:9-10 “And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
“Lost and found.” This phrase has been echoing in my mind often lately, as I catch myself thinking, “I found my self doing…” something that was either pleasing or displeasing to God. The examen prayer calls for a review of the day and noticing those times when it’s been “we,” the Lord and I together, as opposed to those times when it’s been just “I.” Perhaps this “we and I” reflecting is helping me to be more sensitive to the movements of my heart…
For an example, yesterday I “found myself” speaking uncharitably about another person. Even as I was speaking, the Holy Spirit was pricking my conscience and rebuking me for this kind of conversation. I was lost; I had drifted away from living as the Lord would have me live. His grace found me, and allowed me to recognize how I had strayed from the path, and was calling me to repentance.
When this occurs, it’s as if I’m standing aside observing my self. When I’m living united with Jesus, when I’m “living Jesus” as Fr Harvey calls it, there is just one of me. When I think and act without love, the Ann that is united to Christ finds the Ann that has stepped away. That’s when the thought, “I found my self doing…” is activated. St Paul’s writing to the Romans about not doing the good I want, but rather the evil I do not want comes to mind here, as I find myself doing things I don’t want to be doing.
The parable of the woman and the lost coin speaks to me of recognizing my sin, of “finding” the lost coin, and rejoicing with the angels as I’m called to repentance. For the woman her coin was a good thing, something to be treasured; for me, the coin is sensitivity to the Spirit’s conviction, helping me to recognize my sin so I can bring it quickly to confession. This is indeed a treasure!
Joy comes when I “find” my self doing things that are indeed pleasing to God, rather than displeasing. Now it’s the “we” time, when I can recognize that my thoughts or actions are united with God’s desires for me. A recent example here is the Spirit prompting me to write a note to a Deacon I had met to express my gratitude for his prayers and how blessed I was to know he was praying for us, and that I saw answers to his prayers in unfolding circumstances. He responded quickly, stating that my email had been a gift from God for him that day, and offered me kind words and continued encouragement in my faith. No doubt about this being a “we” time! We were both blessed, and strengthened in our faith and commitment to serving the Lord and one another.
The desire of my heart is to be clean, to have a pure heart before the Lord. This “lost and found” adventure is helping me to keep my house swept clean, noticing the specks of dirt that need to be removed, and offering praise and thanksgiving when I see the Sonlight streaming through the windows. I want an undivided heart, and an undivided Ann, single-mindedly devoted to the Lord, and am finding this lost and found adventure another gift from God in helping me to move toward holiness.
Thank you Lord for living within me, for “finding me” when I become lost, and celebrating with me when we are re-united. May I rejoice with the angels for the grace of repentance, which paves the way for an undivided heart united with Your Sacred Heart. Come Holy Spirit, search my heart and keep it clean, that my thoughts, words and actions may be agents of blessing for all those I meet…
