Category: Sorrowful Mysteries

62) Reconcilation gifting

The opportunity for Reconciliation was always especially meaningful when celebrated at the Cenacle of Our Lady of Divine Providence – it seems that the Lord often would bring up things from the past that were stumbling blocks to grace.

     At one of the sessions, I felt led to confess a sin of the past whose memory often haunted me.  I had confessed it in a general way previously, but now felt the need to be more explicit about the experience.  The priest was very helpful, as he assured me of God’s grace and mercy.  In thanksgiving, I went to the Adoration Chapel to express my gratitude to the Lord.

     As I sat before the tabernacle, the Lord gifted me with a beautiful image. I saw myself sitting on a bench beneath the Cross, with Mary sitting beside me with her arm around my shoulders.  In my lap I held a photo album – in it were pictures of the  situations I had confessed.  Jesus was on the Cross above us, and as we sat there, His precious Blood began to drip down on the photos, and each drop totally erased the pictures, making them white as if a drop of bleach had been put on them.  He was blotting out all those images with His precious Blood, so that I no longer saw them, but only saw a clean white frame, and felt the comfort of His Presence, and that of Our Blessed Mother.  Now whenever the enemy seeks to raise those pictures before my eyes again, all I see is that image of us sitting beneath the Cross, with those drops of precious Blood that make each photo all white.

      The Lord has blessed me several times by changing the way I remember a difficult experience.  Asking Him to show me where He was with me, or what He was doing, have brought forth images that provide healing grace to painful moments in time, and have allowed me to become more free.  What a beautiful way to bring healing, and to set the captives free!

     Lord God, thank You that You are a God outside of Time, Who has been with us throughout our lives and can bring healing and wholeness to all areas of our lives. Thank You for the healing balm of Your precious Blood, to wash away the stain of sin ~ 

(re-visited from Rosary Reflections, Sorrowful mystery, the Crucifixion. In this season of Lent, of Reconciliation, this memory has always blessed me. May it bring a blessing to others who may be unable to let go of images that want to rob us of our peace)

Fifth Sorrowful Mystery – the Crucifixion

The opportunity for Reconciliation was always especially meaningful when celebrated at the Cenacle of Our Lady of Divine Providence – it seems that the Lord often would bring up things from the past that were stumbling blocks to grace.

     At one of the sessions, I felt led to confess a sin of the past whose memory often haunted me.  I had confessed it in a general way previously, but now felt the need to be more explicit about the experience.  The priest was very helpful, as he assured me of God’s grace and mercy.  In thanksgiving, I went to the Adoration Chapel to express my gratitude to the Lord.

     As I sat before the tabernacle, the Lord gifted me with a beautiful image. I saw myself sitting on a bench beneath the Cross, with Mary sitting beside me with her arm around my shoulders.  In my lap I held a photo album – in it were pictures of the  situations I had confessed.  Jesus was on the Cross above us, and as we sat there, His precious Blood began to drip down on the photos, and each drop totally erased the pictures, making them white as if a drop of bleach had been put on them.  He was blotting out all those images with His precious Blood, so that I no longer saw them, but only saw a clean white frame, and felt the comfort of His Presence, and that of Our Blessed Mother.  Now whenever the enemy seeks to raise those pictures before my eyes again, all I see is that image of us sitting beneath the Cross, with those drops of precious Blood that make each photo all white.

      The Lord has blessed me several times by changing the way I remember a difficult experience.  Asking Him to show me where He was with me, or what He was doing, have brought forth images that provide healing grace to painful moments in time, and have allowed me to become more free.  What a beautiful way to bring healing, and to set the captives free!

     Lord God, thank You that You are a God outside of Time, Who has been with us throughout our lives and can bring healing and wholeness to all areas of our lives. Thank You for the healing balm of Your precious Blood, to wash away the stain of sin ~ 

Fourth Sorrowful Mystery – the Carrying of the Cross

     During a quiet prayer time, I was enjoying a vision in my imagination of floating down the river on an inner tube, “going with the flow” and just appreciating the sunny day, blue sky, warm water, and the natural beauty that surrounded me.  No rush, no agenda – just floating down the river.  Then I was prompted to dive down to the bottom of the river, where I found many small heavy gold crosses.  It was difficult to carry them to the surface, but they were beautiful and I was blessed to be able to do this.

      The particular cross I was struggling with at the time was the breakup of our marriage – although very painful, blessings were appearing in the course of the struggle – blessings of a deeper faith and trust in God’s provision, healing of wounds, recognition and reconciliation of my own part in the pain Bill was experiencing.

       The stone in my wedding ring had been chipped soon after we were married.  I never did anything to fix it, but wore it as it was.  About a year before our marriage difficulties surfaced, the ring had become too tight for my finger, and I had stopped  wearing it.

When I became aware of our struggle, I took it to the jeweler to have it re-sized, and I bought myself a simple gold ring, the kind I had always wanted, to wear until the other ring had been re-sized.  I was probably looking for some magic to fix our marriage – maybe if I fixed the ring and wore it again, things would get better…  I really liked the simple gold ring, and it was a reminder to keep our marriage in prayer as we continued to struggle with our relationship.

       As time went on, it became apparent divorce was becoming a reality.  I felt I had given my heart to Bill as best I knew how at that time, but it wasn’t bringing the restoration of our marriage I hoped for.  

       A group I belonged to had a meeting and retreat at St. Anthony’s Retreat Center in Marathon, where they have a beautiful outdoor path with the Stations of the Cross.  At one part of the path there is an outdoor altar in a Marian grotto, where I had noted on a previous trip many people left objects, as gifts to the Lord.  I had given my heart to Jesus in a deeper way than ever before, and to signify that in a concrete way, I left my gold ring on that altar, with a prayer of surrender and love, and blessing for Bill.

      Another piece of this puzzle fell into place when I was at the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help, kneeling before the statue of Mary in the crypt below the church.  I saw my gold ring within my heart, and it became transformed into a gold cross.  The image of the river vision came to my mind, and those little gold crosses again ~ the series of experiences all seemed to come together, and I was filled with a deep sense of peace and joy, watching as it were the way the Lord led me and unfolded all these scenes. My gold ring, our divorce, had been transformed into a golden cross, and nestled in my heart. So many times the puzzle pieces are added months or years apart, and it’s a joy when the bigger picture begins to appear, with the Lord’s hand writing all over it…

     Lord God, thank You for being with us throughout our times of trial, and for bringing to light the ways You are connecting the dots to bring healing and peace.  May I always trust in Your provision when I can’t see the bigger picture, knowing that You are continuing to work Your wonders in my life ~

Third Sorrowful Mystery – the Crowning with Thorns

     Caryll Houselander has been a favorite author of many – the first time I encountered her writing was through reading about a mystical experience she had that always comes to my mind with the crowning of thorns.  She describes the incident in her book 

A ROCKING HORSE CATHOLIC, and states: “…I had an experience, lasting for probably less than half a minute and almost indescribable, but one which has influenced  the rest of my life.”

    

The experience she describes has also influenced my life, and undoubtedly the lives of thousands of others.  It tells of how as a child she saw the crown of thorns appear on the brow of a persecuted and devout German nun during World War II.  

     The Sister was suffering deeply from rejection, loneliness and interior pain, when the young Caryll approached her, intending to help her with the polishing of some children’s shoes.  Seeing how distraught the Sister was, Caryll was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say – she lowered her eyes and stood still for a while.  When she looked up, she saw on the Sister’s head the crown of thorns.  Dumbfounded, she stared for a little bit, and then said, “I would not cry, if I was wearing the crown of thorns like you are.”

     The Sister asked in her broken English, “What you mean?”  and Caryll responded, “I don’t know,”  and explains that at the time she didn’t understand what she had seen.  But then together the two of them polished the shoes…

  Lord God, open my eyes to see Your pain and suffering in the lives of those I meet – the wounds in Your hands, feet and side; the crown of thorns on Your head.  May I recognize You in them, and bring Your mercy and love to my fellow pilgrims on this journey of life ~

Second Sorrowful Mystery – the Scourging at the Pillar

     We were at the Dunrovin Retreat Center near St. Paul, with a group of ladies from Transfiguration Parish in Woodbury for an Emmaus Retreat. Part of the retreat includes receiving a drawing that has been artistically created by another Emmaus sister, who has asked the Holy Spirit to inspire her with an image that will speak to the person who receives it with a personal message of God’s intimate love for them. 

      When all had received their drawings, we were given the opportunity to share how they spoke to us, or if there was some special significance for them.  The stories are often so beautiful and amazing, and truly do show that God works through our efforts to bring His love personally to the hearts of each of us.

      One of the ladies stood up and showed us the drawing she had received, which had 3 beautiful red fall leaves on it.  The Lord had touched her heart, and it was visible to us as she shared her story…

     There had been some free time in the afternoon, and some of the ladies had gone outside for a walk.  It was early October, and the leaves were just beginning to turn; the weather was cool and overcast, but a good time for quiet reflection and communion with  the Lord.  We had been assigned prayer partners, and she decided to pray a rosary for her prayer partner while she walked.  She chose the sorrowful mysteries, although it was Saturday, and was quietly praying the rosary and meditating on the second sorrowful mystery, the scourging at the pillar, and thinking about the precious blood Jesus had shed for us and the pain he had endured in the scourging.  Her heart was moved as she meditated on this mystery, and then she became aware that she was walking through an abundance of bright red leaves on the path, although she couldn’t identify any tree in the area where they might have fallen from.  She said she felt like she was walking right through His Blood, and It was covering us all with His protection and anointing.  It was a sacred and holy moment for her – she hadn’t mentioned it to anyone else.  And then when she received her drawing, there were these 3 bright red leaves…

     Thank You Lord, for Your intimate knowledge of each one of us, and for pouring Your Love into our hearts in so many unexpected and personal ways.  May we always have eyes open to see and ears open to hear that our hearts may be touched by Your grace and filled afresh with the fire of Your Love ~

First Sorrowful Mystery – the Agony in the Garden

My older brother Bill was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in August of 2004 – he put up a courageous battle, but kept losing weight and strength until his death on Sunday, February 6, 2005.  

     Saturday morning before Bill died I was spending some time in prayer for him and for his wife, Evie, who was his primary caregiver.  Hospice had been called and had been helping with his care for about a week; as a hospice volunteer/sister I had been in close touch with them the last few weeks especially.

     As I prayed, I began to visualize Bill’s bedroom where he had lain in bed much of the last several months, and almost exclusively these last few weeks. The room was very dark.  I began to see the members of our family gathered in a circle around Bill’s bed, all holding hands and quietly praying for him – included in the circle were our older brother Ted who had died of a brain tumor in 1996, Bill’s son Jeff who had been killed by a drunk driver shor tly after his 18th birthday in 1982, his first wife Jan who had also died of cancer in 1999, and our dad who had died with Alzheimer’s in 1990.  All of the living members of the family were there too, including the youngest, our granddaughter Nellie. She was standing close to Bill’s head, and she reached out her little hand,  touched his   forehead, and gave him a kiss.  There was a luminescence around the people standing there, making a dim light in the otherwise dark room. 

      Then I noticed a very bright light coming from the doorway leading into the bedroom, and Jesus entered, coming to kneel by Bill’s bedside.  At this time I noticed that Bill’s body was covered with huge heavy black chains – it was as though he were being crushed by the weight of the chains. He had been lying in bed in that same position for so long, and was so thin and emaciated – he weighed less than 70 pounds.  Jesus reached out his hand and touched Bill, and it was as though he were gently floating on the surface of the bed – the chains had dissolved and rose up into the air like golden sparkles; their weight had been lifted and Bill was free… It struck me that this was salvation – to be free of the incredible weight of all of the pain and struggles he had endured in this life, all the hurt and disconnections.  Jesus had come and set him free to be whole, and to be with God and his loved ones in heaven.  

     This prayer experience was a beautiful gift from God – it sustained me through the days following Bill’s death, and will be a reminder to me of the reality of salvation.  We’re all walking this earth with chains of greater or lesser weight, and Jesus can set us free too, when we come to Him for healing and wholeness. Sometimes the chains themselves are so heavy they prevent us from coming to Him – that’s when we need our family and friends to help us, through prayer, and love.

     I think of Jesus in the garden, sweating tears of blood, and longing for his friends to be with Him – to pray with Him and support Him in His hour of agony.  I thank God for His presence in Bill’s life, enabling him to keep going when things were often so difficult, walking with him throughout his life, and coming to receive him at the hour of his death… 

     Lord God, thank You for the precious gift of prayer that brings us Your help and consolation, and unites us with You.  May we never neglect Your call to pray with and for others, and to be with each other in our times of need ~