Ann Radtke

Second Sorrowful Mystery – the Scourging at the Pillar

We were at the Dunrovin Retreat Center near St. Paul, with a group of ladies from Transfiguration Parish in Woodbury for an Emmaus Retreat. Part of the retreat includes receiving a drawing that has been artistically created by another Emmaus sister, who has asked the Holy Spirit to inspire her with an image that will speak to the person who receives it with a personal message of God’s intimate love for them.

When all had received their drawings, we were given the opportunity to share how they spoke to us, or if there was some special significance for them. The stories are often so beautiful and amazing, and truly do show that God works through our efforts to bring His love personally to the hearts of each of us.

One of the ladies stood up and showed us the drawing she had received, which had 3 beautiful red fall leaves on it. The Lord had touched her heart, and it was visible to us as she shared her story…

There had been some free time in the afternoon, and some of the ladies had gone outside for a walk. It was early October, and the leaves were just beginning to turn; the weather was cool and overcast, but a good time for quiet reflection and communion with the Lord. We had been assigned prayer partners, and she decided to pray a rosary for her prayer partner while she walked. She chose the sorrowful mysteries, although it was Saturday, and was quietly praying the rosary and meditating on the second sorrowful mystery, the scourging at the pillar, and thinking about the precious blood Jesus had shed for us and the pain he had endured in the scourging. Her heart was moved as she meditated on this mystery, and then she became aware that she was walking through an abundance of bright red leaves on the path, although she couldn’t identify any tree in the area where they might have fallen from. She said she felt like she was walking right through His Blood, and It was covering us all with His protection and anointing. It was a sacred and holy moment for her – she hadn’t mentioned it to anyone else. And then when she received her drawing, there were these 3 bright red leaves…

Thank You Lord, for Your intimate knowledge of each one of us, and for pouring Your Love into our hearts in so many unexpected and personal ways. May we always have eyes open to see and ears open to hear that our hearts may be touched by Your grace and filled afresh with the fire of Your Love ~

First Sorrowful Mystery – the Agony in the Garden

My older brother Bill was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in August of 2004 – he put up a courageous battle, but kept losing weight and strength until his death on Sunday, February 6, 2005.

Saturday morning before Bill died I was spending some time in prayer for him and for his wife, Evie, who was his primary caregiver. Hospice had been called and had been helping with his care for about a week; as a hospice volunteer/sister I had been in close touch with them the last few weeks especially.

As I prayed, I began to visualize Bill’s bedroom where he had lain in bed much of the last several months, and almost exclusively these last few weeks. The room was very dark. I began to see the members of our family gathered in a circle around Bill’s bed, all holding hands and quietly praying for him – included in the circle were our older brother Ted who had died of a brain tumor in 1996, Bill’s son Jeff who had been killed by a drunk driver shor tly after his 18th birthday in 1982, his first wife Jan who had also died of cancer in 1999, and our dad who had died with Alzheimer’s in 1990. All of the living members of the family were there too, including the youngest, our granddaughter Nellie. She was standing close to Bill’s head, and she reached out her little hand, touched his forehead, and gave him a kiss. There was a luminescence around the people standing there, making a dim light in the otherwise dark room.

Then I noticed a very bright light coming from the doorway leading into the bedroom, and Jesus entered, coming to kneel by Bill’s bedside. At this time I noticed that Bill’s body was covered with huge heavy black chains – it was as though he were being crushed by the weight of the chains. He had been lying in bed in that same position for so long, and was so thin and emaciated – he weighed less than 70 pounds. Jesus reached out his hand and touched Bill, and it was as though he were gently floating on the surface of the bed – the chains had dissolved and rose up into the air like golden sparkles; their weight had been lifted and Bill was free… It struck me that this was salvation – to be free of the incredible weight of all of the pain and struggles he had endured in this life, all the hurt and disconnections. Jesus had come and set him free to be whole, and to be with God and his loved ones in heaven.

This prayer experience was a beautiful gift from God – it sustained me through the days following Bill’s death, and will be a reminder to me of the reality of salvation. We’re all walking this earth with chains of greater or lesser weight, and Jesus can set us free too, when we come to Him for healing and wholeness. Sometimes the chains themselves are so heavy they prevent us from coming to Him – that’s when we need our family and friends to help us, through prayer, and love.

I think of Jesus in the garden, sweating tears of blood, and longing for his friends to be with Him – to pray with Him and support Him in His hour of agony. I thank God for His presence in Bill’s life, enabling him to keep going when things were often so difficult, walking with him throughout his life, and coming to receive him at the hour of his death…

Lord God, thank You for the precious gift of prayer that brings us Your help and consolation, and unites us with You. May we never neglect Your call to pray with and for others, and to be with each other in our times of need ~

Fifth Joyful Mystery – Finding in the Temple

During the time of our marriage breakup, I was receiving counseling help ia a neighboring city. My counselor, Suzanne, was a member of the parish where my spiritual director, Fr. Tom, was pastor. During one of our sessions, Suzanne asked me where I most liked to pray. I responded, “In an empty quiet church, by myself before the Blessed Sacrament.”

“Fine!” she exclaimed, “call Fr. Tom and have him open the church for you!”

It was evening; the church would be closed, and I would never dream of calling him to make a request like that, and I told Suzanne so. “OK, I’ll call him for you!” Suzanne knew Fr. Tom quite well, and had no hesitation in making this request for me. I felt embarrassed about imposing on him, but the call was being made anyhow ~

“It’s all set – just go over there and he’ll open it up for you.” So off I went, just a few blocks away, and knocked timidly on the door of the rectory. Fr. Tom was right there, and graciously ushered me over to the church, where he turned on the lights surrounding the altar and Blessed Sacrament, assured me I could stay as long as I wanted, and then quietly exited.

I can visualize it so clearly – the beautiful recently restored sanctuary – all white and gold, with the words “My Lord and My God” emblazoned on the wall. I sat for a while in the front pew, and then removed my shoes and slowly approached the tabernacle, which was nestled behind the altar and some columns. I stood quietly directly before the tabernacle, only a few inches from the Blessed Sacrament.

I had been having some shoulder pain, and my arm and shoulder really hurt – I thought of Jesus carrying the heavy Cross on His shoulder, and remembered reading how this particular wound had been especially painful for Him. “I have a gift I can bring,” was my thought as I offered this small pain in union with His sacrifice. And the pain of our broken marriage, the rejection and feelings of abandonment that flooded over me.

I stood there for several hours, singing a little, praying a lot, and mostly just being there with the Lord. Toward the end of this time, I received a beautiful image, which looked like wax being poured from the tabernacle into my own being, making me like a candle with one flame in the tabernacle, one within me, and one on top of me. A deep sense of peace and contentment filled me – I wanted to stay longer, but knew it was time for the hour drive back home.

I thanked the Lord for this incredible precious time that had been gifted to me, and for Suzanne and Fr. Tom for making it possible, and then reluctantly withdrew from my privileged spot before the tabernacle. I retrieved my shoes, and quietly left, filled with gratitude and the image that had been given to me in that holy place. The next day I came across a quotation attributed to St. Cyril of Alexandria: “As two pieces of wax fused together make one, so he who receives holy communion is so united with Christ that Christ is in him and he is in Christ.” What a precious gift I had been given!

As time went on, more pieces came together to continue to enlarge and confirm this image. One came on a holy card of Our Lady of the Candles, with this poem on the back of the card:

The holy card was dated 1949 ~ I had never heard of Our Lady of the Candles before. The card appeared, I don’t remember how, on the Feast of Candlemas, and shows Mary holding the baby Jesus aloft, as a flame of Light, with herself like a candle. It was very beautiful to me.

Sometime later I heard Fr. Tom quote these words of George Bernard Shaw in a homily: “I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, I more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” I didn’t get to hear Fr. Tom preach all that often, living in a different town, so the words jumped out at me all the more ~

The final piece (or perhaps more are coming?) came from a small flame with the words “Come Be My Light” from Mother Teresa. I had sketched my original image to remember it shortly after it happened, and then added these other gifts as they appeared – over the course of several years. All together they speak to my heart of finding Christ in the Temple – in the Blessed Sacrament in the tabernacle, and burning in my heart…

Lord God, thank You for the beautiful gifts You give to bring us healing and hope, encouragement and strength – and especially to remind us that You live within us, more and more with each reception of the Eucharist. May I be like that candle wax, slowly consumed to bring Your Light to the world I live in ~

Fourth Joyful Mystery – the Presentation

235 – the number 235 seemed to keep appearing for me. A verse of Scripture which contains these numbers is Luke 2:35, part of the Presentation narrative. “and you yourself a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” When thoughts are revealed, they are brought into the light, a place where God’s healing grace may touch and heal them.

I’ve been blessed to participate in teams for several retreat ministries, especially Koinonia and our Women’s Emmaus Ministry in our parish. As a team member, I have the opportunity to share difficult moments in my life journey, and then relate how the Lord in His mercy has helped me through them. Speaking aloud about life’s personal challenges and heartaches seems to release in those who are listening the grace to recall, identify with, and often to share their own times of trial, and there’s some spiritual grace that brings healing in that sharing. The sense of isolation is defeated, as we recognize our trials are not unique unto ourselves, but are shared by others. The enemy loves secrets; when the Lord gifts us with a safe place to share our pain, and His remedy, the enemy is defeated and loses his power over us in this area. The Lord desires that we be free to love Him wholly; exposing hidden areas in our lives opens that area to His freedom for us.

235

A safe place of trust is necessary for this to occur, which includes the trust in the Lord to protect us, as well as trust in the listeners to keep confidential what we are sharing. It’s never meant to be about blaming others or exposing others’ faults or sins, but rather a simple telling of our own life challenges, with the emphasis on Gods’ compassion and mercy.

So much is about exposing the lies of the enemy, which keep us frozen and imprisoned. If we are to be channels of God’s grace to others, we need to allow Him to continually clean those channels. This can be a painful process, and often involves seeing truths about ourselves that are unpleasant, and in need of reconciliation and forgiveness. The reward of walking lighter and knowing we’re becoming agents of God’s healing and grace rather than remaining stuck in darkness and defiling others is well worth whatever discomfort we experience to get there.

I’m always delighted and amazed at how often the number 235 will appear to me, bringing to mind this sequence of thoughts. “I want to walk as a child of the Light, I want to follow Jesus…” are the words of a song by Kathleen Thompson that come to mind here. “In Him there is no darkness at all… Shine in my heart, Lord Jesus.” The sword that pierces Mary’s heart is a sword that purifies and cleans my own heart, and the hearts of others, that we may become children of the Light…

Lord God, thank you for the grace to share the blessings of Your grace in my life, bringing me a greater freedom to love and serve You. Give us the courage to expose the darkness we hide as we allow the sword to pierce our own hearts, that Your Light may bring freedom and blessing to others ~

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A second experience that comes to mind relates to Our Lady of Seven Sorrows. I was blessed to participate in an icon writing retreat on Chambers Island, and the icon we wrote depicted this mystery. For a whole week we were able to immerse ourselves in this image, skillfully led through the process by our teacher, Chris Thelen. Fr Tom was also participating in this retreat, and his presence to celebrate Mass for us, lead us in prayer, and join in the struggle and joy of writing an icon was another beautiful gift to all of us. The doubts we all experienced about being able to accomplish this task were replaced by amazement that we actually did it, encouraged and led step by step by Chris, and immersed in God’s grace on this holy ground. We began each session reciting the iconographer’s prayer, and were reminded to come back to it often throughout the process. At the end of the week, our icons were placed on the altar for our closing l iturgy and blessed by Fr Tom…

Iconographer’s Prayer:

“O Divine Lord of all that exists, you have illumined the Apostle and Evangelist Luke with your most Holy Spirit, thereby enabling him to represent the most Holy Mother, the one who held you in her arms and said: ‘the grace of Him who has been born of me is spread throughout the world.’ Enlighten and direct my soul, my heart, and my spirit. Guide the hands of your unworthy servant, so that I may worthily and perfectly portray your icon, that of your Holy Mother and of all the Saints, for the glory and adornment of your Holy Church. Forgive my sins and the sins of those who will venerate this icon, and who, standing devoutly before them, give homage to those they represent. Protect them from all evil and instruct them with good counsel. This we ask through the prayers of the most Holy Theotokos, the Apostle Luke, and all the Saints, now and ever, unto ages of ages.” Amen ~

Third Joyful Mystery – the Incarnation

In 2010 I was blessed to participate in a pilgrimage to Mexico City to the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe. The pilgrimage was with the Queen of the Americas Guild, and the spiritual director for the trip was Bp Joseph Madera, a native Mexican with a great love for Jesus and Mary. He also had a great devotion to a native Mexican spiritual writer and Servant of God, Conception Cabrera de Armida, known as Conchita. She has been compared to St. Teresa of Avila for her profound and beautiful writings, especially about the Eucharist. A wife, mother, and lay apostle, Conchita’s writings are a witness to her mystical experience of Christ and his message of hope and joy in the midst of suffering.

It was in one of her mystical encounters with Christ that He promised her something very special that would take place when the time was right. After another nine years of preparation, she experienced a spiritual incarnation – the joy Mary knew at the conception of Christ in her womb. The meditations and reflections in her spiritual diary are beautiful, and draw one more deeply into love and reverence for the Eucharist.

We visited the Church of the Holy Spirit, where Conchita’s tomb is present for veneration, and listened to Bp Madera as he spoke with such love and admiration for this woman of joy and great courage. At 84, his eyes danced and his whole demeanor came alive as he spoke about these mysteries so close to his heart, and brought them to life for all of us as we listened. Conchita was a soul who was so tuned to Christ’s presence that she knew when He was present in the tabernacle, without having seen the Host, as attested to on several occasions recorded in her writings.

She also felt the Lord calling the world to a greater recognition and reverence for the Holy Spirit, long before Vatican II’s call for a new Pentecost, and the world wide explosion of the Holy Spirit in the Catholic Charismatic Renewal which began in 1967 at the Duquesne weekend…

Lord God, thank You for introducing me to this beautiful Servant of Yours, and to her writings that speak so simply and yet eloquently about Your Presence in the Eucharist. As she experienced the joy of having You come alive within her, may I share in that joy and help bring You to birth in the lives of all those I meet

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Before I had entered the Catholic Church from my Protestant background, I was prompted to do a charcoal drawing of Mary and Jesus copied from a magazine cover. The picture captivated me, and I copied it several times. I marvel at how the Lord prepares us for what He knows will be in our future 🙂 My friend Loretta introduced me to Marian consecration on the Feast of the Presentation of Mary in the Temple on November 21, 1995 – about 20 years after I had done this charcoal drawing…

Lord God, thank You for bringing me into a relationship with Your Blessed Mother, Mary. I’m so grateful for her presence in my life, and pray that all may come to the Heart of the Father, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and the Sacred Heart of Jesus ~

Second Joyful Mystery – the Visitation

The Visitation mystery brings to my mind the story by Catherine Doherty related in her book, NOT WITHOUT PARABLES. Catherine was a nurse, and lived in the Catholic community of Madonna House in Combermere, Ontario, which she had founded as an apostolate of lay people living the Gospel message and serving the poor in this rural Canadian area.

She relates the story of a man who came to her for help with his dying wife, who needed a nurse to administer pain relieving shots to her. The man hesitated to ask Catherine, he being non-Catholic (Orangeman was the term used) and not knowing if Catherine would help. She agreed readily however, and accompanied this man each day for three months on a three hour drive to and from his remote homestead. Then he stopped coming, and Catherine assumed the wife had died.

A few weeks later he returned however, and begged her to come back again, or to send “those nuns” who had been such a help for his wife.

I can’t do justice to Catherine’s telling of the story – it needs to be read in the book.

Suffice it to say that a beautiful miracle unfolds, as we discover the identity of the “two nuns” and how they ministered to this dying woman and her husband.

Whenever I go to bring the Eucharist to those in the hospital, or to visit someone who is ill or lonely, I’m reminded to invite the companionship of Our Lady of the Visitation and St. Therese of Lisieux to accompany me, and remain when I leave. This story calls me to a deeper belief in the communion of the saints, and the good they desire to do for and with us, especially for the suffering…

Lord God, thank You for the great gift of the communion of the saints, and of the reality of their presence and help when we call upon them. Thank You for Our Lady of the Visitation – may I never go on an errand of mercy without her ~

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A second remembrance that surfaces for this mystery concerns a beautiful Franciscan Sister of the Renewal who was in my class at the Cenacle of Our Lady of Divine Providence in Florida. We spent a good deal of time in solitary prayer, and on several occasions a scene would surface in my prayer time which included this particular Sister, who seemed to represent Mary to me. It was always a comforting presence, and brought the Lord’s healing grace with it. Sr. Clare has a great smile and contagious laughter, and a heart on fire with love for the Lord.

I picked up my phone one day, and there on the other end was the voice I recognized as Sr. Clare – and my heart leaped for Joy as I heard her speak! I’ve always felt so very blessed to have been called to the Cenacle, and to have met and spent time with so many holy and faith-filled people. Who am I to have been so blessed? So the words from Luke come into my heart: “And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy.” (Luke 1:43-44)

What joy does indeed fill our hearts when we meet and connect with others whose hearts are on fire with love for Jesus! It’s an inner stirring of the Spirit, an interior recognition of God’s presence in the other person. How grateful I am, for it always re-ignites my own fire and fills me with love…

Lord God, thank You for the fire of Your Love that fills the hearts of Your people, and for the tangible experience of meeting and receiving that fire! May my heart be always sensitive and open to celebrate Your presence with profound gratitude ~

First Joyful Mystery – the Annunciation

Whenever I pray the Annunciation mystery, and indeed for each mystery, the beautiful painting by Henry Ossawa Tanner comes into my mind. It depicts Mary, sitting on a low bed and gazing at a column of Light, representing the Angel Messenger, Gabriel. Mary’s face has a quizzical expression, as she hears his perplexing message: “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great, and will be called Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

But Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?” And the angel said to her in reply, “The holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; for nothing is impossible with God.”

Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her. (Luke 1:30-38)

Humble trust; hearing but not fully comprehending all that this heavenly messenger was imparting to her. And yet believing – seeing this vision, and embracing the message. There’s something so beautiful about the scene that Tanner portrays – its simplicity, the gentle disarray of the bed cloths, the posture of Mary as she hears these words that are at the heart of salvation history…

Lord God, grant me the grace to receive Your Word as Mary did, with humility and simplicity, trusting in You and knowing in my heart that truly nothing is impossible for You

34) Fifth Luminous Mystery – the Institution of the Eucharist

The Eucharist began to really come alive for me when our son was in the second grade. His class at Sacred Heart was preparing to receive the Sacrament of First Communion, and would come to the celebration of Mass together to learn more about it. Because of some renovating going on in the main church, daily Mass was being held in the basement of the Center, and there usually weren’t too many people besides the second graders in attendance. As it was open to adults though, I attended to be with the class.

On one occasion, Fr. Len hadn’t expected any adults to be present, but an older couple and myself came to the celebration. He hadn’t brought any Hosts from the tabernacle in church, as the second graders weren’t ready to receive yet. So at the conclusion of the liturgy, he said he would go over to the church and bring some Hosts for us adults. I didn’t know the older couple, and felt somewhat out of place; I had errands to run and things to do, so I thought I’d just leave and be on my way. It was snowing outside, so I was brushing the snow off my car when it occurred to me: if the Church teaches that Jesus Christ is truly present in the consecrated Host, what on earth am I doing walking away without receiving Him? Fr. Len had returned to the Center, so I went back in, but he thought I had left, and so had consumed the Host he had brought for me.

This really got me to thinking about what I believed.

I had recently read an article about faith, which had encouraged a doubter to just “act as if” what he professed was true, whether he felt like it or not. “Act as if.” If my faith tells me that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist, how should that affect my life? Would I ever leave Mass without receiving Him? Would I be casual about the Blessed Sacrament?

I began to attend daily Mass as often as I could, and often reflected on how my life should look if I truly believed that the Lord of the Universe, the Author of Life, my Lord and my God was present and available to me each day. And as I prayed and read, the recognition grew that this awesome God wanted to come to me; He thirsted for souls to love and receive Him. More than just being “available,” He deeply desired union with us, His children.

The mystery of the Eucharist is so deep and multi-layered, I can only be amazed and incredibly grateful for the grace to believe that Jesus is truly present to us, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity, in the Blessed Sacrament. So often God has revealed a truth to me through our children. The best thing I can do is pray, and the greatest prayer I can offer is the Mass…

Lord God, thank You for the incredible Gift of Yourself, offered to us at each Holy Mass. May we never take You for granted or neglect the opportunity to attend the sacred liturgy, keeping participation in the Mass at the center of our lives ~

33) Jesus is Passing By

Reflecting on the Sunday Gospel with my lectio group, the phrase “Jesus passed through…” was highlighted for me. It brought to mind a beautiful painting on the wall of the cafeteria at Mundelein Seminary in Illinois. I don’t know the story of the painting, but it has always captured my attention, as it depicts several people whose gaze is fixed on Something unseen. One person is bending down and touching the stone pavement. Others’ eyes are fixed on a long flight of stone steps. The wind seems to be strong as it is blowing the head coverings of others…All have experienced Something ~ Something that catches my heart and makes me want to know what has happened here…

My photo obviously is imperfect, as it includes the reflection of the lights in the cafeteria and on the windows of the room, but it’s enough to remind me of the painting, and it still stirs something within me ~

What does it stir? Jesus is passing by…. And how often in my day is He passing by, and I don’t notice? How often do I miss Him?

At Mass the other day, as the Eucharistic Minister was carrying the Consecrated Hosts to the back of the church for distribution, a woman in the pew in front of me bowed her head in reverence ~ Jesus was passing by…..

St Mother Teresa greeted each person she met with her hands clasped and her head bowed, in recognition of the sacredness and dignity of the person in front of her ~ seeing Jesus in each person she encountered and served. Jesus is passing by…

Lord God, help me to be more aware of Your Presence everywhere I may be, and especially within those I meet each day. May I live in awe and wonder as I believe, and know in my heart ~ Jesus is passing by…

32) Adoration surprise

While kayaking on the lake one summer day, I leaned on the side of my kayak and tipped over in the water. I had both my camera and my cell phone with me – the cell phone died, but the camera survived, altho it sometimes produced spots on the photos as if to remind me of my water adventure. The camera still worked pretty well most of the time, so I was using it to take some photos of the monstrance in order to promote Adoration in our parish of Sacred Heart. As I looked at the images, they were appearing with a big dot right above the monstrance, which looked just like a huge Host. I had seen dots appear before, but never like this one, and in such a perfect location. It seemed to me as if the Lord were magnifying His Presence in the Host, and the image has been a beautiful blessing for me. It’s not a photoshop trick – it’s a gift from God 🙂

We only had the tabernacle with Mary’s statue in this position for a short time before the tabernacle was moved to a position under the mosaic behind the altar – the “spot” wouldn’t have showed up there like it does on the brick wall. Perfect timing, perfect positioning… Lord God, thank You for this beautiful surprise and declaration of Your Presence in the Blessed Sacrament! May our hearts grow to welcome you and Your Presence be magnified in our lives ~