Author: Ann Radtke

45) Poem – Reflection

Home from a conference

     Now up at the cabin

          Peaceful and quiet

     Time to reflect

Gentle breeze blowing

     Hint of rain in the air

           Walk in the woods

     Lots of deer tracks

Soft earth cushion

     Pine needles and moss

          Muffles the footfalls

     Amplifies stillness

Stop by the lake

     Sun pennies dancing

          Frogs plop in the water

     Ripples of minnows

Spongey bog carpet

     Floral tapestry

          Green, gold and amber

     Rich palette of color

Like at the conference

     Wild variety of peoples

          Blending together

     Enriching each other

Focus on chastity

     True center of friendship

           Offering freedom

     To be who we are

To be God’s children

     Gathered together

          Celebrating life

     With compassion and mercy

Healing and wholeness

     Gifts of God’s Goodness

          Offered to everyone

     Wrapped up in grace

Thank You Lord Praise You

     Gift of Creation

           Poured out for all

     Who have hearts to receive

44) Perfect Friendship

“What a friend we have in Jesus…” begins the old hymn proclaiming the great gift of friendship with God.  I’ve been  thinking about friendship a lot lately, as some long time friends are being lost through death or dementia.  

    “Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure.  Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth.  Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them.” (Sirach. 6:14-16)

     What a blessing it is to have true friends with whom I can really be myself, and not have to filter my words for fear of their disapproval or rejection.  “Whoever finds one, finds a treasure” is the quote from Sirach, and indeed to have even one friend such as this is priceless.

     The quote from George Sand comes to mind here:

     “O the comfort, the inexpressible comfort, of feeling safe with a person, having to neither weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they, are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

     I’ve been blessed to have a few such friends in my 77 years, and am so grateful to God for bringing them into my life.  Yet even the very best of these cannot match the friendship I have with Christ, the only One with Whom I feel completely safe.  My human frailty has caused me to hurt even those whom I most love, and to be misunderstood and rejected by some with whom I have been most transparent and vulnerable.  We live in  an imperfect world this side of eternity, and the need to live a forgiving life is essential.  Even our best intentions may be mis-guided, causing pain and suffering where we meant to bring love.

      This brings me to the perfect Friend, the One Whose constant and faithful love holds me close, and Whose corrections when offered are always done in love and gentleness.  I have found the pearl of great price, the treasure in the field – Jesus!  Or rather, He found me, and He won’t let me go!   

Thank you Lord, for the gift of human and divine friendship!  May my friendship with You teach me how to be a better friend to my human companions on the journey, and point the way to perfect friendship, one with the Trinity…

43: Genesis 49: Joseph’s grudge

     Forgiveness – over and over again, I come across the declaration that the greatest block to God’s grace is unforgiveness.  And God’s grace is such a tremendous gift, even necessity, to live this life in peace and happiness!  Peace, in the midst of whatever circumstance I find myself ~ as the old Quaker hymn asserts, “no storm can shake my inmost calm, when to that Rock I’m clinging.  If love is Lord of heaven and earth, how can I keep from singing?”  If Love is Lord – and it is from this Love that I receive the grace I desire to be at peace in my soul.

     At Mass this morning, our pastor related the story of a husband and wife who had a typical minor misunderstanding in their relationship.  What made it major however, was the reaction of the wife – she exploded in anger over her perceived injury.  The husband’s response stopped her in her tracks, as he asked, “How long have you been carrying that?”  Being a psychologist and one who helps others deal with their issues helped her to stop and understand the deeper message given to her, which showed an area of accumulated resentments, or grudges, that had been allowed to build up until it burst forth all out of proportion.

     Our pastor tied this in to Joseph’s brothers’ fear that Joseph was holding a grudge and that he would retaliate for the wrong that his brothers had done to him by selling him into slavery.  Joseph however had received God’s grace to recognize that what his brothers had meant for harm, God had used for good. He held no grudge against his brothers.  Indeed, God had used their sin to save their lives, and the lives of many others from starvation in the time of famine. Joseph didn’t hate them and would do them no harm.

     To hold a grudge, to harbor resentments, is like a daily dose of poison that accumulates in my body until it reaches a toxicity that causes an explosion, harming not only me but anyone who happens to get in the way.  Unforgiveness, how very deadly it is to my own well being, and often to those I love dearly!

     The antidote?  To keep a short account, to acknowledge and confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them.  To do this, I need to take the time daily, or even more often, to reflect on the day’s happenings and take note of any area of resentment that may have cropped up!  And then to let it go, by God’s grace, along with a blessing for whatever triggered the resentment.  To douse the sparks before they grow into a deadly fire!

     Thank you Lord, for Your Word, that teaches me the best response in times of daily struggles.  May I be sensitive to the Spirit, Who enables me to recognize and let go of any potential resentments or grudges before they become deadly. I desire to live a forgiving life Lord, and be an agent of Your peace and mercy in this world….

42) Come Holy Spirit!

Come Holy Spirit!

       On a beautiful spring day, with blue skies, sunshine and no breezes, our little group of ladies had gathered to pray and plan for an up-coming retreat at our parish.  We were meeting outside on a patio at one of the ladies’ houses, and enjoying the beauty and peace of the natural surroundings.  

      Our planning included concerns about the resistance our church leadership had with our retreat, and we were seeking a good way to cooperate with authority, and have the retreat take place.  We did our planning, and were wrapping it up with prayer, praying especially for the pastor, that he might be blessed and find peace in his heart as he led our parish.

      Gratefully, our prayers weren’t to “change him,” or to pray that he would do what we wanted him to do – they were prayers being prayed in one accord for his well being and to receive God’s blessings.  The unity we felt was tangible, as we prayed spontaneously for the retreat, and for our pastor.

      What I will never forget is what happened as we were closing our prayers!  Although the air had been very still, suddenly the sheets on the clothesline began to flap loudly, and a strong wind came up and swirled the leaves that were scattered around the patio.  It was really loud, and seemed to come out of nowhere!  This lasted for several minutes, and then all was again peaceful and calm, with not a cloud to be seen in the sky.

     The husband of the house where we were had been working a little distance away in the family garden; he stopped working and came up to us, asking in surprise, “what was That?!”  We were all asking the same question 🙂

     What came to us was a sense of God’s pleasure in our Unity of heart and in our sincere prayers for our pastor.   “How good and pleasant it is when brothers (and sisters) live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured n the head, running down the beard, running down Aaron’s beard, down upon the collar of his robes.” (Ps 133:1) The Lord takes delight in HIs children when they come together in Unity, with the intentions of their hearts in line with the desires of God’s own heart – to extend blessings and peace, even to those with whom we have differences.

      We all were blessed to feel that Wind, and to recognize in it God’s Holy Spirit, affirming our prayer with a loud exclamation point!  Come Holy Spirit of Unity, bind our hearts together and renew the face of the earth!  How we need You, especially in our culture today with increasing divisions.  Come Holy Spirit, Come!

41) Thank you, Mom

blue purple clouds

shafts of rose

still waters

quiet time

only the clock ticking

inner peace

stopping time

no more running

slowing down time

different paces 

different places

sifting through

the stuff of living

collected over

many many years

a well worn Bible

letter inserts

from Aunt Fanny

and from Beth 

words of comfort

Scripture verses

Your Word Lord

bringing grace

sitting here

in mom’s chair now

winding down

. thinking of you, mom

thanking you

so many gifts given

love without strings

forgiveness and patience

bedtime prayers

come to mind now 

“I am so blessed

I am so blessed”

“thank You Lord

for my father

who taught me You

are always near”

“thank You Lord

for my good husband

loving father

son and friend”

“thank You Lord

for gift of family

always bringing

someone to help me”

“and the Lord’s prayer

that Jesus gave us

it says it all

can ask for no more”

thank You Lord

for mom’s life of gratitude

thank You Lord

You store my memories

each day I pray

take all my memory

that I may forget

what’s best forgotten

and remember

all that draws me

nearer Lord

to You to You

thank You Lord

that You forgive me

and those You receive

forgive me too

praise the God

Who lives in my heart

Who gave me life

Who loves me still

praise You Lord

You hold my mother

in Your arms

so very gently

praise You Lord

I live to praise You

how could I not

and yet survive?

quiet hours

inner stillness

bringing time

to remember Love

thank You Lord

You give me time

space to process

life worth living

40) poem – Take 5 minutes

4/19/91

Take five minutes

To purge the bad taste that makes my stomach turn 

And threatens to make me cry.

And I seldom do that.

Perhaps it would be easier if I were a frequent crier,

But I’m not.

A pain I can’t expel by unloading on my friends,

Not even my letter friends,

For to print it is to acknowledge it, and I keep wanting it to go away.

I’m blowing it out of proportion…

It isn’t really true…

It hasn’t been sealed…

So I can ignore it, and perhaps

It will vanish.

But it gnaws at the back of my mind

And I keep seeking it out,

Looking for clues to confirm or deny –

Wanting to confront and address it, 

Yet afraid if I do that will make it real.

So far it still lingers in the hazy world of the bad dream,

Not yet a nightmare, but close.

So I tuck it away again, and plunge in to activity 

To think of other things,

And wonder – and wonder…

And push back the smothering images,

And the tears come, and my throat grows tight,

And the silent choking muffled sobs seize me for a moment only.

Enough.  My five minutes are expired,

Enough time to expel a little of the poison

That clouds my vision, and renders me useless.

Think instead of Heidi, and Jeff, and Billy,

And wallow in self-pity no longer.

Life continues, in all its varied patterns –

Only time will reveal the truth I seek to uncover,

A truth that perhaps isn’t even yet fully formed.

Let time continue and use well these moments here and now –

They won’t linger and wait for me.

39) poem – the Breaking of Bread

the breaking of Bread               

     Holy Eucharist

           True Presence

     feeding our souls

Body and Blood

     Soul and Divinity

           Your Life poured out

     for the life of the world

time in Your Presence

     to open our minds

          understand Scripture

     all written of You

here I am, Lord

      here in Your Presence

            Eucharistic Adoration

      the simple white Host

received You this morning

      St. Martin’s communion

           St Pius tonight

      Fr. John Mass

You live in me, Lord

     here in my heart

          doors flung wide open

     torn off their hinges

the word You gave Karen

      there are no doors

            and You’re waiting for her, Lord

      waiting for… what?

prayer of relinquishment

      total surrender

            the harder we try

      the more distant it gets

time to stop trying

     to relax and to trust

          receiving Your Love

     healing balm floods my soul

“are not our hearts, Lord

      burning within us

           are not our hearts

      lighted with Fire…”

the disciples felt exiled

      leaving Jerusalem

            You call them to return

      wait in the Upper Room

where is my Upper Room, Lord?

      where do I wait for You?

           at the foot of the Cross

      covered with Your Blood

the need to return

      to leave the Risen Christ

            kneel below the crucifix

      uniting my heart to Yours

it’s only the grace of Pentecost

      that allows me to

           feel my pain

      and unite it then with Yours

without the Holy Spirit

      I’d be swallowed up

            in grief

      crushed and in despair

I need the whole Story, Lord

     can’t skip any parts

           to live abundant life

      without fear…    only Love

Joy exploding

      at the breaking of the Bread

            at the opening of eyes

      awakening of hearts

12:35                                                        

      pierce my heart, Lord                              

            that graces may flow                               

      bringing Your healing Love                      

thank You Lord, praise You

the road to Emmaus

walking with others

seeking Your will…..

 

38) Poem – Chosen Vessel

chosen vessel                    

     Mary’s womb

           God’s Word spoken

     “I want you”

here I am, Lord

      Divine Mercy Chapel

          after Mass at St Pius

      Fr. Tom homily

moment of conception

      how must it have felt?

            Divine spark within her

      flooded with Joy

Conchita’s great gift

     to be one with Mary

           spiritual incarnation

      conception of Love

You made Yourself known, Lord

     in the breaking of Bread

          another epiphany

     celebration of grace

my own revelation, Lord

     Stevie’s class Mass

          and it occurred to me

     to act as if it’s all true

If I truly believe

     You’re Alive in this Host

          Lord God Almighty

      in this small piece of Bread

if I believe this is True

      my life must be changed

            every thought   every act

      centered on Eucharist

believing You come to me

      me, whom You’ve called

            chosen to receive You

      our hearts intertwined

God of the Universe

      Creator     Redeemer

            how dare I believe

      You’ve chosen and called me

I who am nothing

     the blink of an eye

          a puff of soft smoke

      a drop in the sea

from the deep to a mountaintop

     heart racing with joy

          want to tell the whole world

     it’s all true – He’s Alive!

stay with me, Lord

      my heart aches to receive You

          how could I live

      without knowledge of You?

so here I am, Lord

     here in the chapel

          I’ll kneel for a while

     before I must leave

enter my heart, Lord

      please be at home there

            I’ve prepared it for You

      as best I know how

swept it and cleaned it

      emptied the closets

            scrubbed it and shined it

      did all I know how

come Lord, live in me

      my time’s running out

            is it my 11th hour?

      may I spend it with You…

37) Poem – Watch and Wait

watch and wait                              

      watch and wait

           nothing else I can do

      but watch and wait

as the drama unfolds

      this seems the last chance

           You could escape certain death

      the clock is ticking

the scourging is ordered

       before crucifixion

             Pilate washes his hands

       to be free of Your blood

but doesn’t he know

      it’s Your blood which could save him?

            why is he blind

      to the Fount of salvation?

would I be blind too

      were I there in the crowd?

             would I scream “Crucify!”

      would I care if You died?

it’s only Your own heart

      which You’ve given to me

            that sets me apart

      from myself that could kill

it’s only Your grace

      that separates me

            from the cruelty of man

      that inflicts suffering and pain

it’s only Your grace

      a fine thin thread

            the life line that keeps

      me from falling into sin

O Lord, may I never

      abandon You again

            may I stay with You Lord

      world without end

            Amen…     Amen…

36) Nothing Is Impossible for God ~ Luke 1:37

     The combination for the Adoration Chapel is 1:37.  What comes to my mind here is Luke 1:37 ~ nothing is impossible for God!  I’ve experienced His actions which are really impossible in the natural realm, but which actually happened, and which have strengthened my faith and trust in His promises.  As we come to celebrate the feast of St Dismas on March 25, the following experience comes to mind…

      My friend Joan is a holy woman who has had a hard life living as a Native American on a reservation.  She shared this story in her own words… “One of the people I offer my pain for is my son, Bruce, who is in prison.  Don’t think God doesn’t listen to your thoughts, ‘cause He does!  I was wondering which Saint to  pray to for Bruce.  A few days later as I was lying in bed with my Bible, my prayer book, my Saints book, and my rosary, I picked up the Saint book to read, and flipping through the pages I ran across Saint Dismas.  He’s the Patron Saint of prisoners, and is the good thief who was crucified with Jesus, and who Jesus told, “Today you will be with Me in Paradise.”  

    

The first thought I had was, “Why had I never noticed you before in my Saints book?”  The next morning when I got up I wanted to read about St. Dismas some more, but I couldn’t find him anywhere in the book.  I had just read about him the night before, and now he wasn’t there.  I looked through the book three times, but he just wasn’t in it.  I don’t know how that happened, but I believe God knew my thoughts and introduced me to this Saint to pray for Bruce.”

     I always am amazed as I recall this story, along with an increased desire to enlist the help of the Saints as I pray for others. The communion of Saints is real, and we do well to seek their intercession ~

     Lord God, thank You for answering our prayers, often in totally unexpected ways.  Thank You for the communion of Saints, and for connecting us to them in our times of need.  Thank You too for reminding us that You are indeed God beyond Time and Space, truly a God of the impossible ~ may we expand our expectations and rejoice in Your answers!