Author: Ann Radtke

Ps 63:8. In the shadow of your wings I shout for joy…                                             

Ps 55:7. If only I had wings like a dove, that I might fly away and find rest…                                                  

     I love how the Lord takes me from the Word I’m reflecting on and leads me on a journey to poetry, memories, songs, other Scripture and beyond!  It brings me refreshment, encouragement and hope in the promise of Heaven as the theme unfolds and draws me deeper into the truth of God’s love.

     Today I began with Ps 63:8, and the verse that was highlighted for me: “in the shadow of your wings I shout for joy…” I’ve read how the shadow of your wings can be understood as the foot of the Cross, a place where I find blessing and peace as I kneel there in my mind in gratitude for Jesus’ gift of salvation.  Ps 55:6 comes to mind: “If only I had wings like a dove, that I might fly away and find rest…” The focus begins to turn to wings, to birds, to flying away to safety and eternity.

      A poem by James Dillett Freeman has been a blessing for me for many years.  I came upon it at a time of sorrow and grief, as we had just learned that my oldest brother Ted had terminal brain cancer.  I was sitting looking out the window on a cold wintry day, seeing the branches being shaken by a blustery wind against a grey sky.  The words of the poem began to filter into my mind, bringing the first rays of hope…

     “The boughs hang bare when the winter winds blow,

       but the little birds sing in spite of snow.

       I like to believe that I, a man, 

       Can do as well as a little bird can.

        But you have to have faith in the rightness of things

        to fling yourself out on feathers and wings,

        and sing when there seems to be nothing there

        but icy winds and empty air.

        Little bird, fly up to the top of the tree of my mind

        and sing your song in me…”

     Remembering the lines of this poem was like a ray of sunshine entering my heart.  It lifted my spirits, and gave me hope that indeed God had not abandoned us, that He was with us and would help us on this journey.  

     Another poem appeared on a note card sent by a friend to encourage me in this time of trial. On the cover of the card was a picture of a little bird in a blossoming tree ~ not a bare icy branch!  The words inside the card were the first stanza of a poem by Emily Dickinson…

          “Hope is a thing with feathers

          that perches in the soul

          and sings the tune without the words 

          and never stops at all…

     Bp Robert Morneau of Green Bay, WI is well known for his love of poetry, which he often includes in his reflections and homilies.  He loves Emily Dickinson, and when quoting this poem he reflected that the little bird was the Holy Spirit, which lives within us even as this little bird perching in our soul, and brings us Hope.  Another ray of sunshine, again assuring me of God’s intimate knowledge of our family’s struggle: that He knows, and will be with us.

     With these two poems floating through my mind, the words of the song “I’ll fly away” was a natural next progression on the journey.  Where will this emerging hope lead me?  Faith assures me the goal is Heaven, Eternity with the Trinity!  Perhaps these are the words the little bird is singing…

           “Some bright morning when this life is over

                I’ll fly away

                To that home on God’s celestial shore

                 I’ll fly away

                 I’ll fly away, oh glory

                 I’ll fly away in the morning

                 When I die, Hallelujah by and by

                 I’ll fly away

 Oh, how glad and happy when we meet

                 I’ll fly away

                 No more cold iron shackles on my feet

                 I’ll fly away

                 I’ll fly away, oh glory

                 I’ll fly away in the morning

                 When I die, Hallelujah by and by

                 I’ll fly away”

           Another thought about flying comes to mind now, this one from another friend’s card of encouragement.  The quote went something like this: “When you come to the edge of a cliff and you fall off, one of two things will happen. Either you will be caught by the Hand of God, or He will give you wings that you may fly!”  I love how the messages that were sent, inspired by the Goodness of God, all tied together!  The single rays of sunshine were exploding into a beautiful burst of Glory, dispelling the heaviness I had been experiencing and replacing it with confidence and sure hope in God’s help through the following days, no matter what they  brought.

     My brother’s last year battling cancer held days of incredible blessing as he approached his death.  Our family united in love and concern, and faith was nourished by all as we witnessed Ted’s attitude of gratitude for life and his assurance of heaven. My hope, which had begun with hope for a miraculous cure, was redirected to the hope of heaven and eternity, strengthened by seeing God’s Hand in every aspect of Ted’s final days.  

     As I close this time of reflection to return to the day’s demands, my heart is filled with joy, and the words of “I’ll fly away” are echoing in my ears, a good way indeed to continue on the journey 

     Lord God, thank you for the gift of memory, and all the words and experiences you’ve loved into my life to continue to sustain me through each day.  You’ve stocked my spiritual pantry abundantly, gathered through years of time with You.  May I be evermore grateful for Your Goodness, and share the fruits of the harvest that many may be blessed and encouraged on the pilgrim journey…

    “Think of what is above, not of what is on earth.”  (Col 3:2 NAB)

     For many years I participated in a Moms in Touch prayer group, where we would pray Scripture into the lives of our kids.  We would insert their names into the passages, knowing that God’s Word was being nestled in their hearts through our prayers.  This particular day we were praying Colossians 3:2, and my prayer was that our son Steve, then in sixth grade, would think of what is above, not of what is on earth.

     That evening Steve and I were at the kitchen table where he was doing his homework and I was doing some paperwork.  He had some maps to color, and conversation was easy as he was just coloring stuff.  All he would talk about was heaven that night. I hadn’t initiated the conversation, and had forgotten about our Scripture prayer for him earlier in the day.  For three hours all he talked about was heaven!  It wasn’t until later that I remembered our prayer, and marveled at God’s clear answer to this request.  

     Thinking of what is above has been surfacing many instances of being called to lift my mind and heart upward, to take it off the difficulties of the moment and find relief as I raise my sights to God.  I remember a good priest’s anecdote about asking someone how they were doing ~ they replied, “ok, under the circumstances.”  His response was “what are you doing under the circumstances? Get out of there!”  For me, that translates as, “look up!”

     I think of all the awesome churches that draw our attention upward as we gaze at majestic art works and statues.  Entering any of those cathedrals, we see people all looking up, caught in wonder at the beauty of the architecture and images.  When we step outdoors in the cathedral of God’s natural creation, we are again drawn to look up, to be lost in the glory of a sunset or a night sky full of stars.  Who doesn’t love to watch an eagle soaring overhead, or admire a giant tree reaching upward, or the snowy caps of mountains?

      It was said St. Ignatius of Loyola would begin his prayer times by stepping outside and just looking up at the night sky, until tears ran down his cheeks as he praised God for His Glory.  In Acts 7:54-57 we read of St. Stephen, filled with the Holy Spirit, looking up as he was about to be stoned and seeing the glory of God and Jesus standing at God’s right hand. 

     Corrie ten Boom relates the story of standing in formation in the stark cold courtyard of the concentration camp, where a young woman was being brutally beaten in front of all the inmates who were forced to witness the cruelty.  In His mercy, God sent a lark that began to sing its beautiful melody as all eyes were lifted from the horror before them to a small reminder of goodness and hope.  Psalm 121 comes to mind here, “I lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”  (Ps 121:1-2 RSV). This was one of my mom’s favorite verses, and always serves to remind me of God’s faithful provision for all of my needs.

     More reminders to look up! are popping into my mind, but the last one I’ll recall here is a simple thought shared by a friend.  She helps out at the school cafeteria, and often can see sadness or discouragement on the faces of the students as they come through the food line.  Her word to them? “Look up!” combined with a smile and a silent prayer, as she ministers to them with the love of Jesus in her heart.

      Everywhere we turn today we are bombarded with news and circumstances that could tempt us to discouragement or despair.  God has given us an antidote: “Look up!”  Let us with St. Stephen see Jesus standing at God’s right hand, interceding for us and calling us to remind each other to think of what is above, not of what is on earth.

Lord God, help us to keep the bigger picture before us, knowing that You are indeed always in our sight as we raise our eyes to heaven and seek Your face.

Thank You for Your Word planted in our hearts, watered from above with the living waters of your mercy.  May we encourage one another to look up each day, to be renewed in faith and hope…

New Name ~ I know where I came from and where I am going….   John 8:14

     “I know where I came from and I know where I’m going…”

      Jesus was speaking of Himself as He spoke these words, and as I repeated them in prayer they echoed my own awareness of where I have come from and where I’m headed.  Born in the flesh of Edward and Marjory Fellman, I was re-born in baptism as a child of God the Father, with Jesus Christ my brother, my Savior, my Lord.  Receiving the baptism in the Holy Spirit when I was 46 was another re-birth, a deeper conversion experience as the life of Jesus became alive in me in a profoundly new way.

     As in the life of every Christian, my journey has often led to the Cross, and through the Cross to new life and the hope of heaven and union with God.  One cannot live this life without trials, and what a blessing to be given the grace to embrace suffering as gift, having value of eternal proportions when united with Christ’s own suffering and death. 

     The new relationship with God is often expressed in Scripture with a change in name: Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah,  Simon to Peter, Saul to Paul…  the words of the song “I will cha nge your name” by DJ Butler speak to my heart and bring me great joy!  “You shall no longer be called, Wounded, Outcast, Lonely and Afraid,”  but rather “Confidence, Joyfulness, Overcoming one…Faithfulness, Friend of God, One who seeks My face…”  Indeed God has changed my name!  The enemy would have me live in the labels of reproach and self-condemnation, while God in His mercy has lifted me from those lies and confirmed my true identity as His precious child, His beloved daughter.

     Our culture is immersed in confusion about personal identity, and often living in those names of Loneliness and Fear.  I thank God for revealing to us through His Word the reality of where we have come from, and the promise of where we are headed, giving us beautiful new names as we follow Him and remain faithful to His commandments.

     Lord God, thank you for the gift of Baptism, in water and fire!  Thank you for re-creating us as your precious children, with the promise of eternal Life!  Grant us the grace to remain faithful to Your commandments, and live the new names You have given to us…

Zeph 3:17. God delights in you; He rejoices over you with singing…         2/18/18

   At a Marian Servant Community Formation Day, Fr John Horn was encouraging participants to immerse themselves in the Father’s love, and really embrace their identities as His beloved sons and daughters.  He was referencing Zephaniah 3:17, “God delights in you, and rejoices over you with singing.”  He suggested that each person take this verse to prayer, and ask the Lord, “what song are You singing over me?”  They were given some quiet space, and then invited to share what the Lord may have revealed to them in song.  Many had received a personal song, just what they needed at this particular moment in time.

     Recognizing this as an opportunity to know the Father more deeply, I followed their example and asked Him what song He might sing over me.  Much to my surprise and merriment, the words, “Plop plop, fizz fizz, O what a relief it is…” came to my mind!  It’s the Alka Seltzer commercial song, as the little white tablets are dropped into a glass of water and create a bubbly effervesence made to sooth a troubled tummy.  I laughed and indeed joy bubbled up inside me, and once again I was reminded to relax, to take myself less seriously, and to enter in to the fre edom God wants for me.  The song stuck with me for weeks, and often pops up to again to remind me to lighten up and smile 

     The wonders our Father God has in store for us!  In sharing this story, I was reminded of another gift of song, given to my good friend Judy, which had many layers of love woven into it.

     At the Wisconsin Charismatic Renewal Conference at Green Lake, WI in June of 2016, I was blessed to hear Judy share a special gift she had received from the Lord in the form of a love song.  It was a personal love song to her from the Lord, and flowed into His love song for all the peoples of the world. 

     Judy often began her mornings standing by the window, looking out at the back yard and being grateful for God’s love and the beauty of His creation.  This often led to praising God with song, and this day the song “Secret Love” rose up in her heart. 

Once I had secret love, that lived within the heart of me,

All too soon my secret love, became impatient to be free.

So I told a friendly star, the way that dreamers often do

just how wonderful You are, and why I am so in love with You.

Now I shout it from the highest hills, even told the golden daffodils,

At last my heart’s an open door, and my secret love’s no secret anymore.

     Judy related how when she was growing up before Vatican II, faith was often kept private and not freely shared with others.  It was alive in her heart though, and as she grew deeper in her faith she felt compelled to share it more openly.  She started talking to others about Jesus, and now here she was at this conference, shouting it out for all the world to know. The lyrics of the song paralleled her faith journey, and brought joy to her heart as she sang this song to the Lord that morning.

      Wednesday evenings were prayer meeting time, and during the meeting Judy heard God the Father sing this love song back to her.  His love for mankind was secret too, as He tried to tell it to His people, but their ears were deaf and their hearts closed to His love.  This incredible love couldn’t be contained though, but rather impatient to be free, so God placed the Star over the humble stable of Bethlehem to help the people see how wonderful they are and why He loves them so very much.  He shouted this Love from the summit of Calvary, where blood and water poured forth from the heart of His Son, and the secret door of Divine Mercy was opened to flood the world with the Father’s Love.

     Judy sang this song for us at the Conference so beautifully, from a heart of love for God and for His people ~ what a gift, given and shared with so many layers of meaning and depth!

     God does indeed delight in us, and rejoices over us with singing!  Simple messages, fine tuned to each one of us, with layers and depth that often unfold with added dimensions over time ~ what song is the Father singing over you today?

1 Thess 2:7  we were gentle among you, even as a nursing mother cares for her children…(NAB)

Isaiah 66:14 As a mother comforts her son, so will I comfort you (NAB)  

      At Mass one morning, there was a young mother in the pew in front of me with her little boy.  He had thick blond hair, somewhat tousled, and was doing his best to be quiet and attentive. He looked to be about five or six, and was standing on the kneeler and squirming a bit when he slipped back and bumped his head on the pew bench.  His mom instantly caught him, cradled his head in her hand, and bent low to hold him and comfort him.  We had been singing one of the responses, and my voice caught, tears coming to my eyes as I envisioned Mother Mary so gently offering the same comfort to  her little boy.  I could see His thick black hair with her slender fingers cradling His head, drawing Him close to her heart and comforting Him.  The scene from the Passion of the Christ played in my imagination, when Mary rushed to gather up her little boy and comfort Him after He had tripped and bruised His knee.  

     How our Father in Heaven longs to comfort us in our pain and sorrow, and how He has sent Mother Mary so often to our side when we need a mother’s gentle touch, a mother’s embrace and the assurance of her unconditional love.  Watching the little scene played out before me in church spoke to my heart of God’s attentiveness to ourevery need, even the small bumps and bruises we incur on our earthly pilgrimage.

     I attended an Advent Day of Reflection given by Liz Kelly where she shared some insights on the Anima Christi that speak to me of this heavenly comfort.  The phrase “Passion of Christ, strengthen me” in Latin is “Passio Christi, conforta me.”  Our natural desire is to be comforted, and with the translation we recognize that comfort does indeed strengthen us.  It strengthens us to do what is right, what is pleasing to God.  And with this strength and comfort come responsibility, to exercise the gifts given to us to be witnesses to the Good, the True and the Beautiful.

     Receiving the loving and gentle tender care of Mary must have been part of the building of compassion that characterizes Jesus.  When we receive such love, it transforms us to become more and more like Him, and to treat others with that same kindness and care.  

     Lord God, may my heart be attentive to others as we trip and stumble along this path of life, always ready to quickly offer compassion, to build each other up to be the authentic witnesses the Lord desires us to be.  Passio Christi, conforta me…

1. Bubbles ~ Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God    Matt 5:8          

     Meditating on the Scripture passage of the Beatitudes, I always think of Katie Culhane when I come to verse 8 – “Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God.”  Katie is short for Katherine, which means pure or clean.  And I know that little Katie now sees God, even as she saw Him while here on earth, in her simplicity and love as a Down Syndrome child.

     The image that most often comes to my mind is that of her baptism, and the story her mom Muffy shared about how God’s grace became visible as Katie began to coo and gurgle for the first time as the holy water was poured over her head.  This brought a sense of peace and assurance of God’s love and faithfulness, and became a springboard to the fortitude and courage the family needed to best love and parent a child with special needs.  It was the image of little baby noises bubbling forth from Katie that most struck me in my meditation this day, as it tied in with a recent experience of making bubbles!

      We were all at the cabin for family time, and I had brought some bubble wands to play with by the lake.  They proved to be incredibly effective, and soon large and beautiful bubbles were bouncing and cavorting on the still water, and soaring high into the air, even above the tall pine trees!  The delight and joy this brought to my heart made me almost giddy, and the family thought Aunt Ann was a little crazy as I exclaimed about the amazing bubbles and spent a good deal of the week on the dock blowing more bubbles and just watching them dance on the water and rise up into the air.

      With this in mind, I pictured the water being poured over Katie’s head in baptism, and the little baby sounds rising up in the sanctuary of the church, just like the bubbles at the lake.  It filled me again with joy and consolation, as the stirring of the Holy Spirit must have done in Elizabeth’s womb as John the Baptist leapt for joy at meeting Jesus in Mary’s womb.  How the Holy Spirit does indeed enkindle joy in us, in the Sacraments and in one another, as we recognize God’s presence in the other.

     The bubbles at the lake had prompted me to google the Bible for bubble verses, and several had popped up, one of which seemed perfect for the joy I was experiencing.  Romans 15:13 reads, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be bubbling over with hope.”  Such a simple thing, but a reflection of God’s grace again at work to bring us joy and delight.  The Scriptures assure us that God delights in us, even as we delight in the wonders of His creation.  I believe He must be pleased with our simple joy and gratitude as we acknowledge Him as the Giver of all good gifts, even of bubbles  

     Thank You Lord, for the gift of Creation and for the simple joys of playing in it!  May we be always grateful for the many ways You make manifest Your love for us, and grace us with purity of heart to rejoice at seeing You in the midst of everything, filling us with joy and hope…  

Lenten Loneliness                                                                                                  March 2018

     It’s been a different Lent this year, with many ups and downs, and woeful failures in my attempts to stick to my Lenten resolutions.  In the first few weeks blessings abounded as I was swept from glory to glory with lots of good time in reflection, and a mini-retreat at home in Shawano.  There I was able to make many connections with friends, visit the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help, and make a trip up to the cabin with a friend where we were blessed with blue blue skies and fresh snow fall.  Consolations were everywhere, and I was embracing them with all my heart 🙂

      The return trip to MN led me to a place of loneliness, bombarded with memories of loss that were stealing the joy I had experienced.  I recognized it as a lack of intimate human friendship in my MN environment.  The remedy I had learned from Linda Schubert was a five step process which I sought to implement as an antidote to discouragement.

     First step was to acknowledge the pain of loneliness that I was experiencing – to embrace it and lean into it gently.  Step two was to really allow myself to feel the pain. It was deep, and I found my self recognizing it as a sacrifice I could offer to the Lord, and I leaned hard into it, not just gently, but pressing my very inner self into this emptiness and desolation, to console the heart of Jesus.  I remembered the prayers of St. Bridget, the fifth prayer where she witnessed the sadness of the Lord’s own heart from the cross as He looked at humanity and saw all those who turned away and rejected His gifts of love and mercy.  

     A prayer rose in my heart, that somehow my little pain might be as a drop of balm to Christ’s own immeasurable thirst for souls.  One tiny drop was all I could offer, but I gave it to the Lord from the bottom of my heart, in profound gratitude for the life I had been given.  The desire to live the remaining days of Lent at a very deep level, not passing by the gift I was being offered, but rather to unite my little sacrifice to the fathomless sacrifice of the Cross, in reparation for my sins, for those of the ones I hold in my heart, for my church, for my village, for my country…. This was step three in the process, uniting my suffering with that of Jesus on the Cross.  I recognized that this gift I could offer, though small, is precious to my Lord, and is a gift that only I can give…

     Step four is to extend blessing to any who may have been a part of the pain or suffering I was experiencing. Offering a prayer of thanksgiving for God’s grace in leading me through this process and seeking His blessing to those I may have felt hurt by, always with the desire for sincere forgiveness, was another step toward bringing me back to a place of peace and joy.

     I determined to bring this all to Jesus in Adoration, in prayer, and to carry it in my heart throughout the up-coming Holy Week.  I would bring it to Stations, and beg the grace to enter in to the deeper  intimate relationship to which the Lord was calling me. I wanted to gladly receive the invitation, the gift ~ not to leave it on the shelf to admire, but to fully unwrap it and allow it to consume me…

     The last step was one of gratitude, to leave the process at the foot of the cross and enter in to the new spiritual freedom the Lord desired for me.  Acknowledge the hurt, feel the pain, lean in to it gently, unite it to Christ’s sacrifice, extend blessing and forgiveness, and leave it all at the foot of the cross with gratitude to Jesus for His healing grace.  This process has been a blessing for me over and over again as an antidote to discouragement and desolation.  How grateful I am for the many ways the Lord draws us back to Himself, to restore our peace and fill us once again with His Light!

     Lord God, thank You for Your gift of Redemption!  When we come to You in our brokenness with repentant hearts, You never fail to offer us the free healing gifts of Love and Mercy.  May I never forget to turn to You, that You may restore Your peace within me so that I may extend that peace to others.  Peace in our hearts, one by one, to bring Your peace to the world…     

Galatians 4:6.    “Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, the Spirit Who calls out ‘Abba, Father.’”

     How blessed I have been to have had a good father who loved me and took good care of me!  Not perfect of course, as no human father can be, but I knew that he loved me and would be there for me whenever I needed help.  Three specific memories of my Dad come to mind that have helped me to grow in confidence in my relationship with God the Father.  I’ll begin with one that reminds me of God’s guidance through the journey of life ~

     When I reached 16 and began having some travel adventures on my own, Dad took care to offer very specific and detailed directions for any up-coming trip.  They always included plan B, and plan C, in the event of unexpected complications that might affect the original route.  I remember one in particular when I was to make my first solo plane trip.  The directions were lengthy, taking several pages, and included so many possible alternatives in case things went awry!  The best, however, came at the end of the epistle, when Dad left his phone number with the assurance that a call home at any time of the day or night would be received and help would be provided.

     Growing in my relationship and subsequent dependence on God the Father’s care and provision for me, I came to recognize His Word as those detailed instructions for navigation, always with the reminder that He is on call, 24/7, ready at every moment to hear and respond to my call for Help!My GPS may fail with mis-guided directions or internet disruption, but that turning to God always gets me back on the right track!  In remembering my Dad’s written directions, they’re saturated with his care and concern for my safety and well being; God’s directions come from the heart of the very best Father’s love for His daughter.

     Abundant generosity is the second attribute that comes to mind as I remember an almost comical shopping adventure with my mom and sis-in-law.  We would have a fun shopping day together once or twice a year, and mom would often treat us to some special item that caught our eye.

This particular trip was at a time when Dad had been gradually moving into the fog of Alzheimer’s memory loss.  He had always enjoyed giving gifts, and he would give my mom a special extra dollar amount beyond the usual budget for her shopping excursions.  On this occasion, mom was in a particularly happy mood, almost giddy, and was encouraging my sister-in-law and me to buy this and to buy that, and she would cheerfully pick up the tab for all of it.  The strain of caring for my Dad in these days was tremendously difficult, and we attributed her delight as a combination of relief at a day off from care-giving and the pain of slowly losing the one she loved to this disease.  We had a wonderful day together, our shopping bags loaded with goodies, and at the end of the day mom could no longer keep her secret: Dad had put an extra $10,000 dollars into her checking account!  This was in the 1950’s and that was a small fortune for us! We certainly didn’t spend it all, but it brought laughter and smiles at a time when that was so much needed for all of us.

     God the Father’s generosity is above and beyond all that we could ever ask for or imagine. (Eph 3:20) Whenever I come across that verse, the shopping trip comes to mind, and with it the joy it gave my own Dad to give an extravagant gift (although he probably didn’t realize how extravagant it was!).  It also warms my heart at the memory of the three of us, savoring a moment of closeness and merriment in the midst of a very difficult time of passage.  Gods’ own generosity can never be outdone, He truly delights in showering His children with abundant gifts and surprises!

     The third memory came just today, with a text from my daughter.  I had asked her to check a cabinet in my bedroom to look for something, and she spied a note from my Dad that I had tucked on the shelf.  It read, “My Darling, you are 16.  I love you. Dad.”  I had re-discovered that note among my memorabilia at a time when my relationship with God the Father was being deepened, and it so resonated with me that I kept it in a place where I saw it often.  Zeph 3:17 states that God delights in me, and rejoices over me with singing!  As the youngest of 4 children, with 3 older brothers, I was my Daddy’s Darling, and it has helped me to know the deeper love that God the Father has for me.  

     Father God, thank You for blessing me with my own good father, who helped to lead me to the knowledge of Your own Goodness and Love for me.  Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and may perpetual Light shine upon him.  May the soul of my Dad, and the souls of all the faithful departed, rest in peace…

Ezekiel 4:17 ff… Son of man, I have appointed you a sentinel for the house of Israel. When you hear a word from my mouth, you shall warn them for me. …if you do not warn them or speak out, I will hold you responsible for their blood…

Written April 7, 2022 at 4:30 AM after Adoration

To those close to my heart,

      This letter has been playing in my mind for many years.  Should I send it out now?  Should I share it at Christmas or Easter?  On a birthday, or special anniversary?  Leave it with my last will and testament? Or now, after the celebration of Easter and in anticipation of Divine Mercy Sunday April 24 …. I’ve been praying about this, and feel like the time is Now…

      I’ll keep it short  You all have received copies of reflections I’ve written over the years, and so you know where my heart is.  I love you all dearly, and most desire your happiness, in this life, but even more so in the life of the world to come.  My belief in God has only grown stronger through the years, and it’s in that belief, and in the conviction that I will be held accountable if I’m not really clear in sharing what the Lord has put on my heart to speak to you.  There really is a heaven, there really is a hell, and woe to me if I don’t warn you before it’s too late.

     Put simply, I pray that you will come to know that there is a good God, that He is the source of all that is good in this world, and that He has created you to be with Him for eternity.  He’s created you free to accept or reject Him.  There’s lots of factors that come into play here ~ but the bottom line is that each one of us is called to live a holy life and to be obedient to what the Lord commands. He doesn’t condemn us when we mess up or turn away; He keeps calling us right up to our last breath.  And at the hour of our own death, He is still willing to receive us in His mercy.  

     My prayer is that each one of you will turn to Him now, and not wait until that last hour when you meet Him face to face.  Will a lifetime of turning away prepare you to receive His love then?  I can only pray that at that moment, if you haven’t yet begun to live the Christian life, you will remember these words I’ve written, and know that He is a God of Mercy Who has been waiting for you all your life, and Who will receive you with mercy if You only ask Him.  I’ll be praying for you, for I long to meet you in Heaven!

     I’ve thanked God all my life for the gift He’s blessed me with to be your mother, and to have had the joy of spending time with each of you in this life.  I thank God for all the ways you live your lives in service to others, and how you’ve looked out for each other.  May we all be family again in the world to come.

With all my love, now and forever…. mom

Communion of Saints     Feb 6, 2017

      Before returning to the Cenacle to help out with the January session, I was re-reading the story written by Diane Brown about the beginning of the House of Prayer, published in “New Covenant” magazine.  One part that always caused me to pause was her recounting of the death of their son Graham in a boating accident.  He was only 15, and was being towed on an inner tube behind a boat, when the driver turned too close to the dock. Graham was slammed into a piling, and died instantly.  This tragedy became the hinge of Diane’s own conversion, and now almost 35 years later to the continuing expansion of the Marian Servants, the School of Spiritual Direction and Retreat Ministry.

      My reason for being drawn to this accident is the similarity it shares with an incident in our own family’s life.  Our son Steve, about 7 years old, was being towed on an inner tube behind a boat being driven by his dad, which also came too close to the dock and Steve was slammed into that dock.  He was wearing a life vest, and struck the dock square on his chest, actually hitting it so hard that the dock, set on wooden horses, was moved.  I was standing in the water close by, and quickly scooped him into my arms and prayed fervently in the spirit for him.  As it turned out, he only had the wind knocked out of him, and he suffered no serious injury.  Had he hit the dock any other way, he could easily have been killed or at least very badly injured. 

      These memories were often on my mind during the school session, and I thought if the opportunity presented itself, I would like to share this story with Diane.  The two weeks passed however with no convenient time to speak with her, so I had pretty much put the thought aside as we prepared for the closing graduation Mass.  During the Mass however, I began re-living that experience again, and my heart was moved to tears.  Somehow it became clear to me that in some hidden way there was a spiritual connection between the two accidents, and that Diane’s grief and sorrow, along with the prayers of her son, had somehow been instrumental in sparing Steve’s life.  This was a very strong impression, and it was reinforced by recalling other events of the school session.

     During one of the practice demonstration sessions, one of the students mentioned the communion of saints in regard to Ron’s passing. This struck a chord for many of us, and for me this was like another piece of my puzzle falling into place.  The communion of saints – interceding for us, and helping us on the journey.  Many saints have stated before their deaths that indeed they can be of more help to us from the other side – when their plan and purpose is accomplished here on earth, they can readily go to heaven to continue providing help and blessing for those remaining.

     I’m currently taking a class on the Catechism, and the required reading last night included a passage from Lumen Gentium 50 which focused again on the communion of saints, and specifically how we are especially united with them in the sacred liturgy.  It was during the Mass that I received this strong impression of spiritual connection. 

     It was also tied to the power and value of Diane’s deep grief, united with the Passion of Christ, that can provide precious grace to others.  John Cardinal O’Connor wrote a reflection on “Serving Through Suffering” that has always been meaningful for me.  He speaks of the pain we all experience as human beings, and of its incredible value when united with Christ on the Cross.  An excerpt reads, “when (Christ) was crying out, ‘My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?’ He was filling billions of hearts yet to come with comfort, with peace.  I unite a headache, a backache, a heartache with Christ on the Cross, and wondrous graces flow into the heart of a widow who has lost her only son in Nigeria…   My pain, trifling or overwhelming, has not gone wasted.”

      My thought is that somehow Diane’s pain, and Graham’s prayers, reached beyond time to touch our son Steve’s life.  Steve is 33 now, and has many struggles, and many gifts.  It’s always been on my heart that God has His hand on him in a special way, and my many prayers continue that he will come to know God’s love and fulfill the purpose he’s been designed for.  The gift of the experience of spiritual connection gives me renewed hope, gratitude and trust that God’s plan will come to fulfillment in Steve’s life.  Diane’s article closed with Romans 8:28, a very favorite verse of mine, as she wrote, “I have learned a great deal…  that all things – even tragic things – work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purposes.”  I don’t know how this story will continue to unfold, but I trust that the Good God is at work to accomplish His purposes, and I thank Him for the blessing of Diane’s yes that has brought so much healing, hope and grace!  The communion of saints, both living and dead, supporting and interceding for each other, is very much alive in the Marian Servant community, and I’m grateful to be an associate member of this community!