Lenten Loneliness March 2018
It’s been a different Lent this year, with many ups and downs, and woeful failures in my attempts to stick to my Lenten resolutions. In the first few weeks blessings abounded as I was swept from glory to glory with lots of good time in reflection, and a mini-retreat at home in Shawano. There I was able to make many connections with friends, visit the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help, and make a trip up to the cabin with a friend where we were blessed with blue blue skies and fresh snow fall. Consolations were everywhere, and I was embracing them with all my heart 🙂
The return trip to MN led me to a place of loneliness, bombarded with memories of loss that were stealing the joy I had experienced. I recognized it as a lack of intimate human friendship in my MN environment. The remedy I had learned from Linda Schubert was a five step process which I sought to implement as an antidote to discouragement.
First step was to acknowledge the pain of loneliness that I was experiencing – to embrace it and lean into it gently. Step two was to really allow myself to feel the pain. It was deep, and I found my self recognizing it as a sacrifice I could offer to the Lord, and I leaned hard into it, not just gently, but pressing my very inner self into this emptiness and desolation, to console the heart of Jesus. I remembered the prayers of St. Bridget, the fifth prayer where she witnessed the sadness of the Lord’s own heart from the cross as He looked at humanity and saw all those who turned away and rejected His gifts of love and mercy.
A prayer rose in my heart, that somehow my little pain might be as a drop of balm to Christ’s own immeasurable thirst for souls. One tiny drop was all I could offer, but I gave it to the Lord from the bottom of my heart, in profound gratitude for the life I had been given. The desire to live the remaining days of Lent at a very deep level, not passing by the gift I was being offered, but rather to unite my little sacrifice to the fathomless sacrifice of the Cross, in reparation for my sins, for those of the ones I hold in my heart, for my church, for my village, for my country…. This was step three in the process, uniting my suffering with that of Jesus on the Cross. I recognized that this gift I could offer, though small, is precious to my Lord, and is a gift that only I can give…
Step four is to extend blessing to any who may have been a part of the pain or suffering I was experiencing. Offering a prayer of thanksgiving for God’s grace in leading me through this process and seeking His blessing to those I may have felt hurt by, always with the desire for sincere forgiveness, was another step toward bringing me back to a place of peace and joy.
I determined to bring this all to Jesus in Adoration, in prayer, and to carry it in my heart throughout the up-coming Holy Week. I would bring it to Stations, and beg the grace to enter in to the deeper intimate relationship to which the Lord was calling me. I wanted to gladly receive the invitation, the gift ~ not to leave it on the shelf to admire, but to fully unwrap it and allow it to consume me…
The last step was one of gratitude, to leave the process at the foot of the cross and enter in to the new spiritual freedom the Lord desired for me. Acknowledge the hurt, feel the pain, lean in to it gently, unite it to Christ’s sacrifice, extend blessing and forgiveness, and leave it all at the foot of the cross with gratitude to Jesus for His healing grace. This process has been a blessing for me over and over again as an antidote to discouragement and desolation. How grateful I am for the many ways the Lord draws us back to Himself, to restore our peace and fill us once again with His Light!
Lord God, thank You for Your gift of Redemption! When we come to You in our brokenness with repentant hearts, You never fail to offer us the free healing gifts of Love and Mercy. May I never forget to turn to You, that You may restore Your peace within me so that I may extend that peace to others. Peace in our hearts, one by one, to bring Your peace to the world…
Spiritual Sun Pennies 