During the time of our marriage breakup, I was receiving counseling help ia a neighboring city. My counselor, Suzanne, was a member of the parish where my spiritual director, Fr. Tom, was pastor. During one of our sessions, Suzanne asked me where I most liked to pray. I responded, “In an empty quiet church, by myself before the Blessed Sacrament.”
“Fine!” she exclaimed, “call Fr. Tom and have him open the church for you!”
It was evening; the church would be closed, and I would never dream of calling him to make a request like that, and I told Suzanne so. “OK, I’ll call him for you!” Suzanne knew Fr. Tom quite well, and had no hesitation in making this request for me. I felt embarrassed about imposing on him, but the call was being made anyhow ~
“It’s all set – just go over there and he’ll open it up for you.” So off I went, just a few blocks away, and knocked timidly on the door of the rectory. Fr. Tom was right there, and graciously ushered me over to the church, where he turned on the lights surrounding the altar and Blessed Sacrament, assured me I could stay as long as I wanted, and then quietly exited.
I can visualize it so clearly – the beautiful recently restored sanctuary – all white and gold, with the words “My Lord and My God” emblazoned on the wall. I sat for a while in the front pew, and then removed my shoes and slowly approached the tabernacle, which was nestled behind the altar and some columns. I stood quietly directly before the tabernacle, only a few inches from the Blessed Sacrament.
I had been having some shoulder pain, and my arm and shoulder really hurt – I thought of Jesus carrying the heavy Cross on His shoulder, and remembered reading how this particular wound had been especially painful for Him. “I have a gift I can bring,” was my thought as I offered this small pain in union with His sacrifice. And the pain of our broken marriage, the rejection and feelings of abandonment that flooded over me.
I stood there for several hours, singing a little, praying a lot, and mostly just being there with the Lord. Toward the end of this time, I received a beautiful image, which looked like wax being poured from the tabernacle into my own being, making me like a candle with one flame in the tabernacle, one within me, and one on top of me. A deep sense of peace and contentment filled me – I wanted to stay longer, but knew it was time for the hour drive back home.
I thanked the Lord for this incredible precious time that had been gifted to me, and for Suzanne and Fr. Tom for making it possible, and then reluctantly withdrew from my privileged spot before the tabernacle. I retrieved my shoes, and quietly left, filled with gratitude and the image that had been given to me in that holy place. The next day I came across a quotation attributed to St. Cyril of Alexandria: “As two pieces of wax fused together make one, so he who receives holy communion is so united with Christ that Christ is in him and he is in Christ.” What a precious gift I had been given!
As time went on, more pieces came together to continue to enlarge and confirm this image. One came on a holy card of Our Lady of the Candles, with this poem on the back of the card:
The holy card was dated 1949 ~ I had never heard of Our Lady of the Candles before. The card appeared, I don’t remember how, on the Feast of Candlemas, and shows Mary holding the baby Jesus aloft, as a flame of Light, with herself like a candle. It was very beautiful to me.
Sometime later I heard Fr. Tom quote these words of George Bernard Shaw in a homily: “I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, I more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” I didn’t get to hear Fr. Tom preach all that often, living in a different town, so the words jumped out at me all the more ~
The final piece (or perhaps more are coming?) came from a small flame with the words “Come Be My Light” from Mother Teresa. I had sketched my original image to remember it shortly after it happened, and then added these other gifts as they appeared – over the course of several years. All together they speak to my heart of finding Christ in the Temple – in the Blessed Sacrament in the tabernacle, and burning in my heart…
Lord God, thank You for the beautiful gifts You give to bring us healing and hope, encouragement and strength – and especially to remind us that You live within us, more and more with each reception of the Eucharist. May I be like that candle wax, slowly consumed to bring Your Light to the world I live in ~
Spiritual Sun Pennies 