Ann Radtke

Third Glorious Mystery – the Descent of the Holy Spirit

Our parish participated in the Renew program, and it was a real blessing to many of us. It reawakened our faith, with a new and deeper desire to live the Gospel life. One part of the program was a large group gathering with speakers from the diocese doing a presentation.

There weren’t very many of us there that night, and the couple presenting said they felt led to change their original presentation. The core of the message they felt led to give was how to fulfill the desire within you to experience God’s power in your life.

I knew that something was missing in my spiritual life. All of my life I had been trying to live the Christian life, but it was obvious to me that something was lacking – my walk was so far from the Gospel life I desired. I listened intently to the words I hoped would bring me the answer I sought.

The couple said, if you want to experience the power of God in your life, do three things:

pray
get to know Jesus personally
invite the Holy Spirit into your life

I could remember a simple formula like that, so first, I made a commitment to spend 15 minutes a day in prayer. Secondly, I had been teaching 3rd grade CCD, and the need came for a 7th grade teacher. I agreed, and found that the 7th grade curriculum centered on the life of Jesus. Third, a prayer to the Holy Spirit literally fell out of two different books at me! So I began to pray that prayer daily also.

In our Renew group, I had begun to recognize more clearly the difference between my walk and my talk, especially in the matter of prayer. I talked about it a lot, taught it to the kids, but wasn’t consistent in my own prayer life. One of the ladies in the Renew group was a member of a charismatic prayer group that had formed in our parish to pray for Renew – so I joined them. I also joined a Moms in Touch prayer group that met weekly to pray for our kids and the schools. The three points were in place now, and I found a gradual sense of growth in my faith life. It made a huge jump when our prayer group went through a Life in the Spirit video seminar, and I was prayed for to receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit. The Lord had been preparing my heart, and I was finally ready to give Him a solid Yes.

I experienced what have been almost universally agreed as fruits of receiving the baptism in the Holy Spirit. My knowledge of God’s deep love for me moved from just in my mind into my heart; the desire to pray grew stronger; I had a desire to read the Scriptures, and they came alive for me in a new way; the Mass became more meaningful; and perhaps most noticeable was a gift of courage to do things that I had always been fearful of before. To speak before a group, even a small group of people I knew, would paralyze me, whereas now I found myself taking on leadership roles and speaking in front of people with an inner strength that wasn’t my own.

I realized that although I had been trying so very hard to live the Christian life, I had been doing it in my own power, which was painfully inadequate. The Lord was showing me how to begin to live it in the power of the Holy Spirit. There’s still so very much more to grow into, but I’m incredibly grateful for the gift of the Holy Spirit to lead me on the way!

Lord God, thank You for the gift of the Holy Spirit! Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of the faithful and kindle in us the fire of Your love. Send forth Your Spirit, and we shall be created, and You shall renew the faith of the earth…

Second Glorious Mystery – the Ascension

It was Pentecost weekend, and we were about to celebrate the Feast Sunday morning at Holy Name Retreat House on Chambers Island. The retreat team had inflated bunches of bright red helium balloons, and called us all outside to watch them ascend up into the blue sky above the trees. There were about 30 of us – a good sized group, all standing still with our eyes looking skyward as the balloons were released and bobbed and floated their way higher and higher above our heads.

A clear voice of authority broke the silence. Jean spontaneously proclaimed from Matthew Chapter 28, “Men of Galilee! Why are you standing here? I know that you are seeking Jesus the crucified. He is not here, for he has been raised just as he said. Come and see…” and she pointed to the chapel, where Jesus is Present in the Eucharist. We filed in and celebrated Mass, knowing in a deeper way than before that indeed, Jesus is HERE! Present to us in the Eucharist…

Lord God, thank You for the incredible mystery of Your True Presence in the Eucharist, coming to be with us always in the Blessed Sacrament. Help us to believe with all our hearts in Your True and Loving Presence with us, and to live our lives in such a way that we witness to that belief ~

Fifth Luminous Mystery – the Institution of the Eucharist

The Eucharist began to really come alive for me when our son Stevie was in the second grade. His class at Sacred Heart was preparing to receive the Sacrament of First Communion, and would come to the celebration of Mass together to learn more about it. Because of some renovating going on in the main church, daily Mass was being held in the basement of the Center, and there usually weren’t too many people besides the second graders in attendance. As it was open to adults though, I attended to be with Stevie and his class.

On one occasion, Fr. Len hadn’t expected any adults to be present, but an older couple and myself came to the celebration. He hadn’t brought any Hosts from the tabernacle in church, as the second graders weren’t ready to receive yet. So at the conclusion of the liturgy, he said he would go over to the church and bring some Hosts for us adults. I didn’t know the older couple, and felt somewhat out of place; I had errands to run and things to do, so I thought I’d just leave and be on my way. It was snowing outside, so I was brushing the snow off my car when it occurred to me: if the Church teaches that Jesus Christ is truly present in the consecrated Host, what on earth am I doing walking away without receiving Him? Fr. Len had returned to the Center, so I went back in, but he thought I had left, and so had consumed the Host he had brought for me.

This really got me to thinking about what I believed.

I had recently read an article about faith, which had encouraged a doubter to just “act as if” what he professed was true, whether he felt like it or not. “Act as if.” If my faith tells me that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist, how should that affect my life? Would I ever leave Mass without receiving Him? Would I be casual about the Blessed Sacrament?

I began to attend daily Mass as often as I could, and often reflected on how my life should look if I truly believed that the Lord of the Universe, the Author of Life, my Lord and my God was present and available to me each day. And as I prayed and read, the recognition grew that this awesome God wanted to come to me; He thirsted for souls to love and receive Him. More than just being “available,” He deeply desired union with us, His children.

The mystery of the Eucharist is so deep and multi-layered, I can only be amazed and incredibly grateful for the grace to believe that Jesus is truly present to us, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity, in the Blessed Sacrament. So often God has revealed a truth to me through our children, and often through Steve. The best thing I can do is pray, and the greatest prayer I can offer is the Mass…

Lord God, thank You for the incredible Gift of Yourself, offered to us at each Holy Mass. May we never take You for granted or neglect the opportunity to attend the sacred liturgy, keeping participation in the Mass at the center of our lives ~

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ********************************

While kayaking on the lake one summer day, I leaned on the side of my kayak and tipped over in the water. I had both my camera and my cell phone with me – the cell phone died, but the camera survived, altho it sometimes produced spots on the photos as if to remind me of my water adventure. The camera still worked pretty well most of the time, so I was using it to take some photos of the monstrance in order to promote Adoration in our parish of Sacred Heart. As I looked at the images, they were appearing with a big dot right above the monstrance, which looked just like a huge Host. I had seen dots appear before, but never like this one, and in such a perfect location. It seemed to me as if the Lord were magnifying His Presence in the Host, and the image has been a beautiful blessing for me. It’s not a photoshop trick – it’s a gift from God 🙂

We only had the tabernacle with Mary’s statue in this position for a short time before the tabernacle was moved to a position under the mosaic behind the altar – the “spot” wouldn’t have showed up there like it does on the brick wall. Perfect timing, perfect positioning… Lord God, thank You for this beautiful surprise and declaration of Your Presence in the Blessed Sacrament! May our hearts grow to welcome you and Your Presence be magnified in our lives ~

Fourth Luminous Mystery – the Transfiguration

I was introduced to the story of St. Seraphim of Sarov by Jim Murphy at a charismatic day of reflection, and his story has blessed me over and over again as I meditate on the mystery of the Transfiguration.

St. Seraphim is a Russian Saint often compared to the Western St. Francis of Assisi. His story is well chronicled in the book FLAME IN THE SNOW, and includes a story about his own transfiguration, along with his nephew Nicholas.

As I remember it, Seraphim was a holy hermit, having lived a saintly life and often consulted for spiritual wisdom. His nephew came to him asking questions about the Holy Spirit, and Seraphim explained to him painstakingly about the Third Person of the Trinity. Nicholas still didn’t understand, so Seraphim put his hands on the young man’s shoulders and told him to look into his eyes. It was winter, and cold; snow lay on the ground around them. And as Nicholas gazed at Seraphim, the Saint was literally transfigured before his eyes. They carried on a conversation in this state, Seraphim noting and explaining the fragrance, the warmth, the incredible Joy that was being experienced by the two of them. Nicholas recorded all this carefully – you can find the whole story on-line, or in the book.

When the experience ended, Seraphim proclaimed that the Lord had given them this incredible grace not just for themselves, but to share with the world. It’s a beautiful and amazing recounting of an actual experience of transfiguration! And it fills the reader with a deeper love for and appreciation of the Holy Spirit – what an incredible Gift of God!

St. Seraphim tells us that the whole purpose of the Christian life is to acquire the Holy Spirit, that we may live in the power of the Spirit and be the agent of grace and blessing that the Lord calls us to be. Another favorite quote of his that I found is “acquire interior peace and many will find salvation near you.” When we begin to live in Christ, Who is our Peace, we do begin to acquire that interior peace which the world is so longing for. It’s the peace that remains in the midst of any circumstance, as we grow in our trust in God’s Goodness and Provision. St. Seraphim, pray for us…

Lord God, thank You for the lives of the Saints that help us to understand Your mysteries and call us to holiness. May we get to know them as our allies and friends, and call on them often for the help we need to be the people you call us to be ~

Third Luminous Mystery – the Call to Conversion

I never really knew what conversion meant until I received the baptism in the Holy Spirit ~ for me that was such a life changing event that I knew something had happened to me. Looking back, I now recognize that conversion has been an on-going process in my life, and will continue until I gain heaven, God willing.

Perhaps my first experience of conversion was when I was only about six years old. My best friend Bethany lived across the street from us, and she was Catholic. We were Baptists, and our family didn’t have any crucifixes on the wall or holy water fonts in the rooms, so when I went into Bethany’s bedroom and saw a holy water font and some sort of religious picture, I don’t remember what it was, I asked her what they were. She must have explained it to me, and then I was left alone in her bedroom. I actually don’t really remember Bethany at all – just this one moment in her bedroom. But I do remember kneeling there in her room by that holy water font and saying some sort of a prayer. I’m sure it was very simple, and from my heart – the heart of a little girl. And that memory has stayed with me ~

We left Milwaukee each summer to spend the season in a cabin on a lake. My older brothers all had friends around the lake, but I was pretty much alone with my mom most of the time. There was a chapel on the lake where they held Sunday services, and on Sunday evening they would have a hymn sing-along, which was a highlight of the week for me. Often there would be a young seminarian staying for the summer, and when I was 17, he took a group of us to a movie in Antigo where they were showing a Billy Graham movie that included an altar call at the end. I clearly remember wanting so badly to go forward and confess my faith in Jesus, but intense shyness kept me glued to my seat. I know I gave my heart to Jesus in a deeper way than ever before on that night, and my diary entries were filled with expressions of love for Him. This would be my strongest conversion memory next to the baptism in the Holy Spirit.

Mary in Medjugorje calls us constantly to conversion, with the admonition that it’s our own personal conversion the Lord wants. As I pray for the conversion of my family members and others, I recognize that my best prayer comes from a heart that is itself in a constant process of conversion, being sanctified by the grace of God. Remembering those times of special calling rekindles my desire to totally belong to Jesus, and sharing those moments with others always re-ignites the fire of faith that He’s given me…

Lord God, thank You for calling us! Thank you for the gift of memory, to recall those moments of grace and to allow Your Spirit to re-ignite the fire of conversion in our hearts. Grant us the courage to share those stories, and the inner disposition to receive Your love and grace through them ~

Second Luminous Mystery – the Wedding at Cana

Bill and I were greatly blessed through participating in retreats at Holy Name Retreat House on Chambers Island. Our first retreat was like a new beginning in our marriage, and a huge help for Bill especially as the business he had started was going under, and he didn’t know how to deal with this failure. Wise counsel from the spiritual director, Fr. Leon, helped give him clarity on the choices to be made, and to re-prioritize our lives.

Because we had been so blessed with this retreat, and subsequent ones, we wanted to encourage others to come to this holy ground and receive God’s grace there. The retreat house offered an evening for “recruiters,” and Bill and I signed up.

What I heard from the retreat house chaplain that evening has stayed with me, influenced a lot of what I’ve chosen to be involved in, and my attitude toward it. Fr. Ed spoke of the wedding at Cana, the first of Jesus’ miracles, and related it to our role as retreat house recruiters. We were the servants filling the jars with water, so that the Lord could touch them, and turn them into wine. Our job was just to get people to come; the rest was all in the hands of God.

Again and again I’m reminded of what my role is in building the Kingdom – and especially that I’m not God, and to trust Him to do what only He can do. This has led me to the joy of inviting people to participate in programs and events and to encourage them to be open to what the Lord wants to do in their lives. I’m to create a warm and welcoming environment, to offer encouragement, and often a ride in my car, to “come away” and experience God’s love for them. Not that He can’t love them right where they are, but it often seems that stepping into a different place, away from familiar distractions and duties, helps us to hear the Lord better, and to receive the gifts He has for us. To come to a place where faith is practiced and the atmosphere is holy certainly aids in our ability to hear the Lord.

This has also been relevant to my current call to minister as a spiritual director. I’ve been taught and believe that it’s not about me; it’s all God and what He wants to do in the lives of the people I’m blessed to walk with. Again my role is that of companion, walking together, offering encouragement and a safe place to share their stories. I pray to be able to bring many to the Kingdom, never to be an obstacle, but only a signpost to the Goodness of God…

Lord God, thank You for Fr. Ed’s words that have remained with me these many years. May Your water jars be filled to overflowing with souls that You may touch their hearts and set them on fire with love for You and for one another ~

First Luminous Mystery – Baptism of Jesus

I was raised in the Baptist Church, and both my mom and dad had a Baptist preacher as a grandfather. One of my great-grandfathers wrote a catechism for the Baptist Church. I’m truly grateful for my Baptist heritage, and especially for the experience of being baptized at age 10, on March 29, 1956. We had had several months of preparation for this moment, to be sure that we had an understanding of what we were about to do. I specifically remember being asked if I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and Lord, responding Yes, and being dunked under the water in the baptismal tub in the sanctuary of our church, Roundy Memorial. The minister had one of my dad’s big handkerchiefs to cover my nose 🙂

When I came up from under the water, I knew something had happened – something inside of me had changed. I had a sense of my own sinfulness, and of God’s grace. Looking at a side window in the church, I saw a Cross reflection from the street light across the way. And I had a deeper desire to follow Jesus, and to live the Christian life in a way pleasing to the Lord.

Whenever I bless myself with holy water, I’m reminded of that very baptism, and the call to live the Christian life in, with, for and through Jesus. Since being introduced to living life in the power of the Holy Spirit through the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, baptism in the Spirit has often been on my mind. All four Gospels speak of Jesus teaching His disciples that they were to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit, and not to leave home (Jerusalem) without it! This second baptism, not as a Sacrament, but as a deeper surrender and desire of my heart, has made a huge difference in my journey. It’s made me painfully aware of how limited I was to live the Christian life without it, and how much a part of the beginning of the Christian life it really is. It’s been another blessing to be a part of Life in the Spirit Seminars, and to witness people knowing, often for the first time, the love of God in their hearts. How can I share God’s love until I really know it in my own heart? It’s a wonderful and amazing grace!

“And a voice came from the heavens, saying, ‘This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.’” (Matt 3:17) The Father is saying these words to each one of us, speaking to our hearts that we are His precious sons and daughters. Lord, may we receive these words in our hearts…

Lord God, thank You for the gift of the Holy Spirit, and for the beautiful grace of Baptism. May we come to a deeper understanding of the grace of this Sacrament, of knowing ourselves as your beloved children, and grow in living our lives in the power of Your Spirit ~

Fifth Sorrowful Mystery – the Crucifixion

The opportunity for Reconciliation was always especially meaningful when celebrated at the Cenacle of Our Lady of Divine Providence – it seems that the Lord often would bring up things from the past that were stumbling blocks to grace.

At one of the sessions, I felt led to confess a sin of the past whose memory often haunted me. I had confessed it in a general way previously, but now felt the need to be more explicit about the experience. The priest was very helpful, as he assured me of God’s grace and mercy. In thanksgiving, I went to the Adoration Chapel to express my gratitude to the Lord.

As I sat before the tabernacle, the Lord gifted me with a beautiful image. I saw myself sitting on a bench beneath the Cross, with Mary sitting beside me with her arm around my shoulders. In my lap I held a photo album – in it were pictures of the situations I had confessed. Jesus was on the Cross above us, and as we sat there, His precious Blood began to drip down on the photos, and each drop totally erased the pictures, making them white as if a drop of bleach had been put on them. He was blotting out all those images with His precious Blood, so that I no longer saw them, but only saw a clean white frame, and felt the comfort of His Presence, and that of Our Blessed Mother. Now whenever the enemy seeks to raise those pictures before my eyes again, all I see is that image of us sitting beneath the Cross, with those drops of precious Blood that make each photo all white.

The Lord has blessed me several times by changing the way I remember a difficult experience. Asking Him to show me where He was with me, or what He was doing, have brought forth images that provide healing grace to painful moments in time, and have allowed me to become more free. What a beautiful way to bring healing, and to set the captives free!

Lord God, thank You that You are a God outside of Time, Who has been with us throughout our lives and can bring healing and wholeness to all areas of our lives. Thank You for the healing balm of Your precious Blood, to wash away the stain of sin ~

Fourth Sorrowful Mystery – the Carrying of the Cross

During a quiet prayer time, I was enjoying a vision in my imagination of floating down the river on an inner tube, “going with the flow” and just appreciating the sunny day, blue sky, warm water, and the natural beauty that surrounded me. No rush, no agenda – just floating down the river. Then I was prompted to dive down to the bottom of the river, where I found many small heavy gold crosses. It was difficult to carry them to the surface, but they were beautiful and I was blessed to be able to do this.

The particular cross I was struggling with at the time was the breakup of our marriage – although very painful, blessings were appearing in the course of the struggle – blessings of a deeper faith and trust in God’s provision, healing of wounds, recognition and reconciliation of my own part in the pain Bill was experiencing.

The stone in my wedding ring had been chipped soon after we were married. I never did anything to fix it, but wore it as it was. About a year before our marriage difficulties surfaced, the ring had become too tight for my finger, and I had stopped wearing it.

When I became aware of our struggle, I took it to the jeweler to have it re-sized, and I bought myself a simple gold ring, the kind I had always wanted, to wear until the other ring had been re-sized. I was probably looking for some magic to fix our marriage – maybe if I fixed the ring and wore it again, things would get better… I really liked the simple gold ring, and it was a reminder to keep our marriage in prayer as we continued to struggle with our relationship.

As time went on, it became apparent divorce was becoming a reality. I felt I had given my heart to Bill as best I knew how at that time, but it wasn’t bringing the restoration of our marriage I hoped for.

A group I belonged to had a meeting and retreat at St. Anthony’s Retreat Center in Marathon, where they have a beautiful outdoor path with the Stations of the Cross. At one part of the path there is an outdoor altar in a Marian grotto, where I had noted on a previous trip many people left objects, as gifts to the Lord. I had given my heart to Jesus in a deeper way than ever before, and to signify that in a concrete way, I left my gold ring on that altar, with a prayer of surrender and love, and blessing for Bill.

Another piece of this puzzle fell into place when I was at the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help, kneeling before the statue of Mary in the crypt below the church. I saw my gold ring within my heart, and it became transformed into a gold cross. The image of the river vision came to my mind, and those little gold crosses again ~ the series of experiences all seemed to come together, and I was filled with a deep sense of peace and joy, watching as it were the way the Lord led me and unfolded all these scenes. My gold ring, our divorce, had been transformed into a golden cross, and nestled in my heart. So many times the puzzle pieces are added months or years apart, and it’s a joy when the bigger picture begins to appear, with the Lord’s hand writing all over it…

Lord God, thank You for being with us throughout our times of trial, and for bringing to light the ways You are connecting the dots to bring healing and peace. May I always trust in Your provision when I can’t see the bigger picture, knowing that You are continuing to work Your wonders in my life ~

Third Sorrowful Mystery – the Crowning with Thorns

Caryll Houselander has been a favorite author of many – the first time I encountered her writing was through reading about a mystical experience she had that always comes to my mind with the crowning of thorns. She describes the incident in her book

A ROCKING HORSE CATHOLIC, and states: “…I had an experience, lasting for probably less than half a minute and almost indescribable, but one which has influenced the rest of my life.”

The experience she describes has also influenced my life, and undoubtedly the lives of thousands of others. It tells of how as a child she saw the crown of thorns appear on the brow of a persecuted and devout German nun during World War II.

The Sister was suffering deeply from rejection, loneliness and interior pain, when the young Caryll approached her, intending to help her with the polishing of some children’s shoes. Seeing how distraught the Sister was, Caryll was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say – she lowered her eyes and stood still for a while. When she looked up, she saw on the Sister’s head the crown of thorns. Dumbfounded, she stared for a little bit, and then said, “I would not cry, if I was wearing the crown of thorns like you are.”

The Sister asked in her broken English, “What you mean?” and Caryll responded, “I don’t know,” and explains that at the time she didn’t understand what she had seen. But then together the two of them polished the shoes…

Lord God, open my eyes to see Your pain and suffering in the lives of those I meet – the wounds in Your hands, feet and side; the crown of thorns on Your head. May I recognize You in them, and bring Your mercy and love to my fellow pilgrims on this journey of life ~