During a quiet prayer time, I was enjoying a vision in my imagination of floating down the river on an inner tube, “going with the flow” and just appreciating the sunny day, blue sky, warm water, and the natural beauty that surrounded me. No rush, no agenda – just floating down the river. Then I was prompted to dive down to the bottom of the river, where I found many small heavy gold crosses. It was difficult to carry them to the surface, but they were beautiful and I was blessed to be able to do this.
The particular cross I was struggling with at the time was the breakup of our marriage – although very painful, blessings were appearing in the course of the struggle – blessings of a deeper faith and trust in God’s provision, healing of wounds, recognition and reconciliation of my own part in the pain Bill was experiencing.
The stone in my wedding ring had been chipped soon after we were married. I never did anything to fix it, but wore it as it was. About a year before our marriage difficulties surfaced, the ring had become too tight for my finger, and I had stopped wearing it.
When I became aware of our struggle, I took it to the jeweler to have it re-sized, and I bought myself a simple gold ring, the kind I had always wanted, to wear until the other ring had been re-sized. I was probably looking for some magic to fix our marriage – maybe if I fixed the ring and wore it again, things would get better… I really liked the simple gold ring, and it was a reminder to keep our marriage in prayer as we continued to struggle with our relationship.
As time went on, it became apparent divorce was becoming a reality. I felt I had given my heart to Bill as best I knew how at that time, but it wasn’t bringing the restoration of our marriage I hoped for.
A group I belonged to had a meeting and retreat at St. Anthony’s Retreat Center in Marathon, where they have a beautiful outdoor path with the Stations of the Cross. At one part of the path there is an outdoor altar in a Marian grotto, where I had noted on a previous trip many people left objects, as gifts to the Lord. I had given my heart to Jesus in a deeper way than ever before, and to signify that in a concrete way, I left my gold ring on that altar, with a prayer of surrender and love, and blessing for Bill.
Another piece of this puzzle fell into place when I was at the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help, kneeling before the statue of Mary in the crypt below the church. I saw my gold ring within my heart, and it became transformed into a gold cross. The image of the river vision came to my mind, and those little gold crosses again ~ the series of experiences all seemed to come together, and I was filled with a deep sense of peace and joy, watching as it were the way the Lord led me and unfolded all these scenes. My gold ring, our divorce, had been transformed into a golden cross, and nestled in my heart. So many times the puzzle pieces are added months or years apart, and it’s a joy when the bigger picture begins to appear, with the Lord’s hand writing all over it…
Lord God, thank You for being with us throughout our times of trial, and for bringing to light the ways You are connecting the dots to bring healing and peace. May I always trust in Your provision when I can’t see the bigger picture, knowing that You are continuing to work Your wonders in my life ~
Spiritual Sun Pennies 